Spike climbed from the bed wandering to the bathroom. He turned the taps, altering the water so that it was warm.
As the steam rose in the room, he stopped to look at his non-reflection. An unneeded breath slipped from his lips. Taking his finger, he mindlessly drew patterns on the foggy mirror.
Images of the last time he and Dru were truly happy filled his foggy mind. They had just fed, she on her favorite, toddler and he on a teen, she was dancing in the moon light a look of sheer pleasure on her demonic façade as she sang to the stars. She was a vision of wicked beauty.
The images in his mind shifted and melted soon he was remembering the last time he saw her, anger filled him, his knuckles gripping the basin as he remembered the peaceful smile on her face as he drove the stake into her heart.
Over one hundred years of him being by her, side and she had chosen an eternity in hell with Angelus instead of life times with him.
Reality hit him like a tone of bricks, his world imploded. Entire life times ahead of him without her, without the only family he had known in over a century.
A crippling pain gripped him, he had lost her. His forever was no more. His reason for being was gone. His savoir was now nothing more than a pile of dust scattered in the wind.
Desolation filled his whole body, he had been deserted, and he was alone.
In the bathroom staring at the emptiness in the mirror, he let the tears of loss and heartbreak fall.
A slight moan from the bedroom snapped him back to reality and to the girl lying naked in his bed. It was in that split second he realized something he wasn’t alone.
Spike made his way over to where Buffy lay curl-ed in a tight ball. Her eyes sealed tightly shut to stop the stream of tears that were building behind her closed lids.
Gently he scooped her up into his strong arms. She wrapped her tiny fingers around his neck and clung to him as if her life depended on it, only letting go when he had lowered her into the shower and stepped in behind her.
Finding the prickling and sting of the hot water soothing, with a sigh Buffy let her body mold into his; accepting the comfort, he was offering her.
Squeezing a good amount of vanilla shampoo into his calloused hand Spike set about his new task; washing Buffy’s hair. Pulling her hair up Spike saw the wound on her neck.
William; the man in him winced at the vicious scar forming on her neck. While Spike; his demon beamed with pride. To him it was a symbol of ownership. Whether Buffy knew, it or not she belonged to them now.
She was his now and forever.
When all the tears, blood, and sweat were washed from her hair, he conditioned it. Picking up the bar of soap, he started to wash her tired body, taking care with the cuts and bruises’ on her skin.
Keeping her eyes closed the whole time she gave in to the feelings of his hands roaming across her body. She let out moans of pleasure as his fingers danced over her skin working on the aching parts of her body.
When he was satisfied that she was clean and relaxed he switched off the water, Buffy stood motionless, waiting for him to tell her what to do next.
After he wrapped a towel around her body, she took his proffered hand and stepped from the shower, silently she followed him.
Spike sat on the edge of the bed staring up into Buffy’s once wild green eyes they were hollow now.
Buffy stood silently between Spikes legs, her body trembling as she tried to fight the overwhelming urge to crumble under the weight of his invasive gaze.
Sadness flooded Spike as he remembered the first time he laid eyes upon her. She was fire and power, sex and innocence, life and death all wrapped in a tight little package.
As he raked his eyes over her now he saw none of what called him to her. All her light had been extinguished.
He motioned for her to join him in the bed. Dropping her towel, silently she acquiesced, taking her place next to him. Spike pulled the covers over them. Whispering in her ear as he wrapped her in his arms,
‘Shh pet its over. I’ve got you. Its gunna be okay. Sleep now’
Exhaustion finally winning, her eyes became heavy and taking comfort in the arms of her enemy, Buffy slept. For the first time in years, she let her mind and body completely shut down.
Buffy jolted up right in the bed she shared with Spike. Her body was trembling, her heart racing, she was covered sweat, her cheeks stained with tears, the image of Angel as he was sucked into the portal burning in her mind.
She looked over to Spike, he was still sound a sleep. Looking about the darkened room Buffy, saw a slice of sunlight hit the carpet, she guessed it to be about noon. A sudden pang for sugar hit her.
Slipping from the bed, she dressed and headed out into the sunlight, completely unaware of the piercing blue eyes, which watched her from under his lashes.
He had heard her sobs while she slept he felt her wake. He could feel the turmoil of emotion burning through her veins. She needed time and space. Feigning sleep he gave that to her.
Buffy wandered about the small town they had stopped at. It was smaller than Sunnydale; scattered about the houses it boasted one general store, a diner, a town hall, and the motel.
It was not a place people would stay any length unless you were a local, the people who lived here seemed to like it that way.
In desperate need for a sugar hit Buffy headed for Mrs. Macs Diner. The place was small, quaint, and homely. An elderly woman with wavy blue hair pottered about, filling salt and peppershakers. Mrs. Mac she guessed.
Taking a seat at one of the tables Buffy unfolded a menu, a smile creeping on her lips as she read the jokes at the bottom of the menu. It seems Mrs. Mac has a good sense of humor.
Waiting for her meal Buffy let her mind replay the events of last night. She bared herself to Spike in ways that no one had ever been privy to. He took her the very edge of eternity and brought her back. She had asked for punishment and begged for forgiveness. Spike gave it to her.
She danced her fingers ever so gently over the scar on her neck; her body still wore the physical marks of his retribution.
She knew he wanted beat her to an inch of her life only to drag her back kicking and screaming so he could do it to her all over again.
Vengeance was owed to him.
However he didn’t do that, he treated her with a tenderness that no man had ever shown her in her young life. In doing that, his gentle touches and whispered words broke her more than the way he abused her body earlier.
Buffy couldn’t even start to comprehend the reason behind his tenderness. Everything about it was wrong; she could understand vicious words of hate spewing from his mouth. Not gentle words whispered that meant to heal. Words she didn’t deserve.
Hate, guilt, suffering were the things she deserved, but this tenderness, it was too much for her. She didn’t want his kindness.
She wanted to hurt. She wanted the guilt, the pain. She needed it. It was all she deserved. It was all she had left and she needed it. She craved it.
It was her punishment for being weak. It was her constant reminder of what she had done to those she professed to love.
She had held on to it so tight for so long refusing to let it go. She could feel it in the deepest recesses of her heart. She could taste it in her tears.
It was a living thing.
It was hers and hers alone.
It was hers and he took it from her.
Buffy hated him in that moment, when he took her pain away. When Spike wrapped himself around her and whispered those simple words in her ear, she knew that he had truly forgiven her.
Now it was time for her to start forgiving. She didn’t know if she could.
She wiped the thoughts from her mind when her meal was placed on the table in front of her.
Buffy was a hell of a lot hungrier than she realized, she had devoured a large serve of bacon and eggs, a side of chili fries and a soda. The empty ache in her stomach that had been following her since Sunnydale was finally gone.
The sun was setting, Spike would be up soon, loaded up with the items she purchased at the general store, moisturizer, deodorant, juice, Twinkies, Oreos, she made her way back to the motel, back to Spike.
~*~*~*~*~
Joyce came in from another long day at the gallery. Her days were filled with mindless living, however, her mind raced with thoughts of her baby girl being left broken and bleeding in some ditch.
Sighing she placed her purse on the counter and poured herself a drink in the hopes of shutting her mind down just so she could have one moment’s peace. She pressed the play button on her answering machine.
‘Just another sales pitch I bet.’
Beep
‘Hi mum.’ As the voice carried itself across the silent room Joyce’s heart skipped a beat and her pulse raced.
‘Oh god it was Buffy, she’s alive, she’s okay.’
The anguish in Buffy’s voice tore at her maternal heartstrings. Her mind began to swim with visions of her little girl alone and lost. She sounded like she was hurting so much.
‘What happened to you my poor baby?
Every fiber in her motherly body wanted to reach out and hold her daughter. She yearned to comfort her until all her pain had melted away. However, her little girl was not there to hold and shower with kisses, or feed with chicken soup.
Her vision clouded with tears as the recording echoed off her walls and her heart broke a little more for Buffy.
After the seventh time listening to her daughter’s voice, she heard the message.
‘I can’t’. Then the sound of a man’s voice was heard faintly on the line. ‘Just do it’.
‘She is not alone, thank god.’
Joyce heard the gruff reply to Buffy’s plea. She had no idea as to who was the man with her daughter. Right now the only thing that mattered was that Buffy wasn’t alone in this…whatever she was going through.
~*~*~*~*~
Spike woke startled from the dream he was having. The warm tingle that crept along his skin let him know the sun had set. He scanned the room for any sign of Buffy; on the small table was a bag of groceries. Closing his eyes, he stretched his senses to find her. She was close.
The door swung open, it was Spike, his hair was a mess of untamed ringlets; he wore pillow creases on the right side of his face, his jeans unbuttoned and hanging way too low on his hips.
He looked down at Buffy who was sitting with her knees curl-ed up, her chin resting on them, her back pressed up against the wall.
She smiled up at him. ‘Oh hey, good morning or is it good night?’
He tilted his head to the side. Was she? Yeah she was. She was smiling at him. Not a bright Buffy smile, but smile nonetheless.
He smiled back at her ‘Hi to you too.’
He reached out a hand to her she took it. Pulling her off the floor, he motioned to the centre of town.
‘I gotta head out for a bit. y’know, a man’s gotta eat.’
The smile that was adorning her face dissipated instantly. His heart wrenched at the sadness that filled her eyes.
‘Or I could just stay here, till—’
‘Feed from me’ the words fell from her mouth. The shock look on his face told her he had never expected that from her.
Nervousness bubbled forth as she tried to explain.
‘I mean…ah…god why is this so hard…I mean you already did and it was… um…good...who am I kidding it was the best feeling EVER
I’ve never felt so close to someone when you…um what I am trying to say is that…please don’t feed from the populace I have enough…and hey Slayer so I got the good stuff.
I was once told it was like oysters to vamps… oh now I sound like a bite slut.’ Tears welled in her eyes.
Spike wrapped in her a tight embrace. He couldn’t believe that SHE had offered herself to him. The slayer wanted to give him, vampire extraordinaire her blood, her sweet elixir.
He stepped back, holding her at arms length, his eyes boring into hers, searching the depths of them to see if there was any vacillation to what she was saying. He saw none.
Holding her hand, he led her back into the room. He sat her on the edge of the bed. He started pacing. She sat watching him.
‘Slayer’
‘That’s me’
‘Vampire’
‘That’s you’
‘Shut up’
‘Okay’ she made a lip zipping motion.
‘When a vamp feeds it’s meant to be painful its s’posed to hurt.’
‘It didn’t, it was—’ he pinned her with his shut up glare.
‘When vampires bite during sex it heightens our orgasms. It heightens our emotions. It links us with the one being bitten. It forges an emotional bond. It’s the beginning of a mating ritual that’s like a vampire marriage.’
‘You mean a claim.’
‘Yeah. Do you want that Buffy? Do you want to be linked to me?’
‘If we don’t complete the ritual it’s not a claim right, it’s just us having sex, you feeding and us bonding. Oh,’
‘Yeah oh’
She looked up at him, thoughts screaming a million miles through her head.
‘So you’re saying that if you feed from me a lot we will form an emotional bond. Like best friends who finish each other’s sentences, bond. Or like what twins feel when one of them is hurt bond?’
‘Like I know that right now you’re more curious than scared and that you feel safer with me than you have in a long time.’
‘Oh…will it go both ways...y’know will I be able to feel you’ he smirked at her choice of words.
‘I mean what you’re feeling?’
‘Eventually’ he couldn’t believe that she was considering this.
‘But it’s not a claim…those are like for forever aren’t they? This bond if we ever separate it’ll fade?’
‘Eventually’
‘So it’s more like an engagement?’
‘
‘Yeah sort of’
‘Let’s do it’
‘Are you off your fucking rocker; I just told you what happens. You’re a slayer for…you want to be tied to ME…a vampire.’
‘I thought we cover that already.’
‘But-’
She cut off his retort. Her decision already made. ‘Yes I am a Slayer; as a Slayer I can't let you wander the streets killing innocent people. As a young woman who had to kill the last man I slept with, I wont kill you either.
So if you feeding from me it stops you from killing, so I don’t have to stake you and we get all bond-y in the process I say it’s a win-win situation.’
Spike began his rebuttal. She raised a hand asking him to please listen. Her voice became thick with emotion.
‘I am also Buffy Summers; who has lost everyone important in her life, I can't lose you too.’ Tears were falling by the time she had finished.
He stepped to her, pulling her up from the seat. Wrapping her in his arms, he commented
‘Who am I to argue with the slayer.’
He kissed her gently on the top of her head. Pressed against his cold chest she mumbled her reply
‘You’d better remember that mister.’
~*~*~*~*~
Wrapped in each other, silent thoughts filled the room. Buffy enjoyed the quiet hush that had fallen over their room. Silence was something she hadn’t had in a long time. Her life had been full of words.
Harsh violent words that cut and caused pain.
Here with Spike she knew that words were not needed between them. No nasty speeches or guilty pleas. All that had to be said was spoken through their touches.
Spike played with Buffy’s golden tresses, enjoying the silky feel of her hair sliding through his fingers. Burying his nose in her hair, he breathed in her scent. Vanilla mixed with her blood tickled his nose.
Buffy broke the silence, her finger lazily stroking Spikes forearm, her gaze not leaving the wall.
‘Spike’ she croaked out, her voice straining under what she was about to ask.
‘Yeah luv.’
‘You love Drusilla?
‘Yeah I do, with all my unbeating heat. Why?’
‘Why is it that you can love without a soul and he couldn’t?’
He knew these thoughts were tearing her apart inside, but he couldn’t answer them for her.
‘Can’t answer that one pet, it’s something you’re gunna have to figure out on your own.’
Buffy turned in his arms to face him. She believed him. She trusted his words; they were reflected in his eyes. Her brows knitted as what he said echoed through her mind.
Buffy fixed her gaze to a spot on his chest. She needed answers to the questions screaming around her head.
‘Why are you helping me Spike?’
‘Don’t rightly know pet…you’re all I got left now I s’pose’
‘Oh’ disappointment colored her reply.
‘It’s alright though, I don’t mind.’
‘ Are you sure? You can go if you want’ she looked up at him, her emotionless face belying the sudden fear that gripped her.
‘Nah, I’m happy enough here for the moment luv. Sides aint got no where else to go’ his eyes were closed as he listened to the rapid thrum of her heartbeat.
‘Thanks’ she whispered.
‘No problem, now go to sleep’
‘Good night Spike’ she murmured as she placed a very soft kiss on his jaw.
Rolling back over, she pulled him closer to her, wrapping her tiny body with his. With his arms, surrounding her she felt safe. Her eyes drifted closed.
He could hear the thump of her heart slow. He listened as her breathing slowed. Then the slight rumble escaped from her throat; her snore; it signaled that she was finally asleep.
Exhaustion claiming his weary body, soon he too gave in to the call of slumber. He drifted to a place in his dreams where he was with Drusilla and she loved him they way he loved her. A place that was theirs and he was her all. He had gone to their place for years now it was his only solace when Dru was off tending to another whim of hers.
‘Spike was laid out on a huge four poster bed, blood red silks draped lazily from the canopy. He was surrounded by pillows and silk sheets. Peeking out from behind his long lashes, he saw Drusilla, his heart, his love, making her way to him. She was wearing a black satin slip. She danced about swaying her hips enticingly calling to him with her erotic dance.
Pulling the hem of her slip up as she did so, giving him a glimpse of her treasure that lay beneath. Only to let it drop before revealing herself to him.
Climbing on the end of the bed, she crawled up his body, peppering his soft white skin with kisses as she made her way to his lips. She never reached his lips; she had stopped to savor the taste of his cock.
Her tongue expertly licking and nibbling along his shaft as she teased the head with kisses, delighting in it bobbing up to tap her on the lips as she breathed cool air over the head.
When his hips bucked up eagerly, Drusilla graced him with a devilish grin. He knew what that sly smile meant. Running her cool tongue along the shaft once more, she circled the head, and then in one quick motion she had swallowed him.
His cock was buried deep within her throat, a moan from her sent vibrations through his cock. His hands fisting in her hair he guided her up and down painfully slow. His eyes rolled to the back of his head as he was consumed by the heat of her mouth…No; that wasn’t right Dru has a cold mouth with a wicked tongue.
His eyes snapped open. Instead of seeing, his fingers twisted in hair dark as night they were buried in hair that looked like spun sunshine. Smiling up at him around his cock was…
‘Buffy?’
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Hugs and thanks to everyone that reviewed. You guys rock! This chappy is un-beta’d so all mistakes are mine…forgive me? *wink wink nudge nudge* anyone who wants to be my beta or knows of a good one please contact me. Enough of that on to the story…