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Author's Chapter Notes:
So so so so so sorry about the lack of update, had three major assignments due, but they are over and done with and i will be back to updating on a weekly or so basis.
hope your still with me...?
Chapter four: Being Saved

When Buffy got to the cemetery, she stood at the door of Spikes crypt for a few minutes, composing herself and trying to calm her nerves, before she gently pushed open the door and went inside.

Spike was down in the lower level of his crypt, pacing and trying to deal with the thoughts that were consuming his head. How could they? She was at peace, and that bloody witch had to go and cock it up just because she wasn’t able to leave well and good alone. She was at peace and now she was truly in hell. Spike reached the wall and threw his fist out, connecting with the pole and breaking the concrete off the edges. He looked at his hand, now shaking and covered in blood, and laughed.

He heard his crypt door open, breaking him from his thoughts. Looking around briefly he grabbed a knife and silently climbed up to the lower level. When he got there, he didn’t see a demon as expected; instead he was greeted with the vision of his real life angel. Buffy; He couldn’t believe she was back, and he hated his own selfishness at being happy over that fact.

She turned around and looked at him. The breath he didn’t need leaving his throat as he was once again in awe of her being back.

“You should be careful, never know what kind of villains got a knife to your back” he told her, shifting his hand slightly so she was able to see the blade he was holding. She simply smiled at him, before the smile was wiped away when she noticed he was bleeding.

“Your hand is hurt” She told him, remembering this familiar interaction between them

“hmm, same to you”

“Right” she said, this time choosing not to put her hands behind her back. She wasn’t hiding anything from him.

“Willow’s getting pretty strong isn’t she? Bringing you back, it’s hard to get a good nights death around here”
Buffy didn’t say anything in reply, but frowned as she realised that other people had also noticed what she had failed to previously. She would have to deal with Willow, sooner rather than later.

“You can sit down, it’s your furniture” he told her, and she took a seat in a very familiar velvet green chair, trying not to blush at the memories she had involving said chair. “You should see downstairs too, it’s quite posh” he continued. Buffy opened her mouth to speak, about to say ‘I remember’ but chose not to. Besides the obvious reason, she knew that he needed to get this off his chest.

“I do remember what I said, the promise, to protect her. If I had done that...even if I didn’t make it... you wouldn’t have had to jump. But, I want you to know, I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but after that” his brow crinkled in obvious pain at his owns words, “I’d see it all again, I’d do something different; faster, more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways, every night I save you.” He finished.

Tears started to roll down her cheeks. Buffy remembered this conversation from the first time, and while it had meant little to her back then, this time it almost killed her to hear it. She now knew what it was like to lose someone you loved, to save them night after night in dreams you knew could never become reality, just as she had continued to save Spike from burning in the hell mouth. She felt his pain, and knew what those words meant to him.

Spike looked up, unsure of what to say or do next and mentally kicking himself for exposing such a weak moment to Buffy. When he did raise his eyes to her, he saw that she was crying. He walked over to her and put his hand under her chin in a gesture far more forward than anything he had tried before, and raised her face to meet his eyes.

“Sorry luv, I didn’t mean to make you cry” he told her, removing his now swollen hand from her soft face

“Spike” Buffy spoke his name softly, so softly that had it been any other person, they wouldn’t have heard it, “You have saved me. I know you don’t understand that now, but you have saved me” she stood up and wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face into his chest. She felt him hesitate for a moment, clearly not knowing what to do, before he returned her gesture. Spike didn’t mean to, but he started to cry. For the moment, he didn’t care, he was just so happy to have her back. He didn’t care if she hated him, or was about to beat him into a pulp, just that she was alive. They both fell to the floor of the crypt together, arms still wrapped tightly around each other; new tears began to form in Buffy’s eyes as well.

She cried because she was happy to have Spike in her arms again. She never thought she would have a moment like this again. All those nights without him, crying herself to sleep, feeling nothing but pain at the hole in her heart that his absence created, knowing she would never be able to fill it. But now, she would be able to fill it, now she had him back. She had been given a second chance, Spike had given her a second chance; without even knowing it, he had saved her.

They stayed in each others arms for what felt like hours (but never long enough), until Spike calmed himself down and stopped crying. He pulled away from her and angrily wiped his eyes, clearly unhappy at having broken down in front of her, embarrassed and terrified of what she would say next.

“Spike...” Buffy began. She heard him sigh, assuming that she was about to lay into him for the moment of weakness they both just shared.

“Thank you” she told him, leaning forward to place a soft kiss on his cheek. As she pulled away, his wide, shocked eyes made her smile.

“Thank you for always being here when I need you.”
Not knowing what else to do, Spike raised his eyes to hers, and smiled.

“I’ll always be right here with you” Buffy gasped slightly at his words, a perfect echo to those that he had said to her every night in his dreams, right before he left her forever, “Like it or not, you’re stuck with me pet” At that, she smiled. Her dreams had definitely lacked a certain Spike-esque sarcasm.

The pair were silent for a few moments, neither knowing what to say. Buffy was fighting against every fibre of her body that screamed at her ‘to hell with it, just wrap your hands around him and take him’ she knew that, if their relationship had any chances of working, it would have to start slowly; for both their sakes. Spike too was facing an eternal dilemma; he had no idea what was causing this random change in Buffy’s behaviour; he wasn’t against it, but any means, but she was certainly a different girl that the one who had been taken from him months before. Beginning to wonder if it wasn’t a twisted after effect of the resurrection spell, Spike was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of Buffy’s frustrated sigh. His forehead wrinkled slightly as he observed her, wondering what was going through her head

“I should go” she told him

“oh.” Of course, he should have been expecting it, she probably just realised what it is she had done and who she had done it with, and the hatred and disgust was probably beginning to course through her once again. Without meaning to let it, a slight feeling of anger took him over

“whatever Slayer, hope it wasn’t too horrible for you, being here and all”

Buffy’s eyes widened in shock at his random change in behaviour, before realising that this Spike, having experience with the Buffy of this time, would automatically be defensive in light of her strange behaviour. She smiled softly at him, noticing the anger melt out of his features, to be once again replaced by confusion

“Actually Spike, I kinda like it here, you’re right, its quite....’posh’” she told him, echoing his words from before. He laughed a little at that. “Look, I’m really sorry, I don’t regret coming here tonight, there were a lot of things we needed to say to each other, and I think we started to do that, but if I don’t get home the gang will worry, and someone has to help Dawn get ready for school and I should be there with her” that thought struck Buffy as strange- Dawn had been coping without her for months, and would still manage to even if she wasn’t around now. But, Buffy knew how much her absence, and what’s more, her less than active presence had effected Dawn last time, and wanted now to make things right.

“But, if you want, there’s something I want to talk to everyone about. Maybe you could come to the magic box? Tomorrow... after sunset of course” She giggled nervously. This wasn’t something she wanted to do, ever, but she needed to do it, and she wanted him there when she did.

“Um yeah, sure thing slayer, I’ll be there”

“Good, well... I should go... See you tomorrow Spike” Buffy leaned up, kissing him lightly on the cheek, before turning and walking out of his crypt.

Spike just stood there. Without thinking, he ran his left hand through his hair, loosening his gelled curls, wincing at the pain in his hand as he did so. He sighed; of all the nights in his long existence, this definitely rated as out of the ordinary.


Buffy had left the crypt without turning to look back at him, knowing that had she done so, she wouldn’t have had the strength to leave him for the night. She ran home, completing the journey in only minutes and, for old times sakes, entered her bedroom through the window. Undressing, combing the knots out of her hair, and hopping into bed, all of which was done while on auto-pilot, Buffy’s thoughts on the day had not stopped. She just kept playing every moment; the green demon, the letter, her mother, the fight, her friends, Spike...Spike... all of it. It was such a miracle, yet at the same time she was afraid, actually afraid, that it would not last. This was her chance to change things, and she would not pass that up. It would be different; she would make sure of it. Starting with tomorrow, and the thing she should have told her friends the first time, she would make things better. If only it was going to last....

That night, Buffy did not sleep.

TBC





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