I left. What else was I supposed to do? I couldn’t even look at William. It suddenly all made sense. William had seemed too good to be true, because he was. I’d been conned, again. I stood up and ran. William called my name as I went through the door, but I ignored him. My stomach churned, and I barely made it back to my cabin before I started crying. I couldn’t believe it! William was the one who had called me his girlfriend. He’d been the one to push for a relationship. He was engaged? It’s not that I thought he and I were going to be a permanent thing. I knew we were having a fling. I just didn’t think it was cheap and meaningless. I was the other woman. There was a woman out there who had no idea her fiancée was sleeping with someone else. I grabbed Maggie and curled up on my bed. The blankets were still a mess from our morning activities. Thinking about it only made me feel worse.
William came in without knocking, about twenty minutes later. “Buffy, love? I’m sorry about Drusilla. She’s…god, she’s a bitch sometimes. There’s no excuse for her behavior.”
I looked up at him in shock. “Her behavior?” Anger made me tremble. “You have a fiancée. You slept with me. You bastard!” I grabbed a book from my bedside table and threw it at him. I know it wasn’t very mature, but at least I didn’t smack his cheek like a southern belle in an old time movie. “Get the hell out.”
William froze. His voice was deep and quiet. “You weren’t even going to ask me if it was true. You’re that ready to believe the worst.”
“Are you saying that she was lying?”
“Not exactly, but there is more to the story. I—”
“I don’t want to hear it, William.”
“Yeah, well I have no want to tell it. We shall both have to suffer through it.”
“I want you to leave.”
“I met Cecily Adams when I was seventeen. She is the younger sister of one of Drusilla’s friends and she was in need of an escort for a cotillion. The entire encounter was arranged by Dru and her friend. I was mortified. I tried to beg off a dozen times.”
I stood up and walked out to the living room, determined to show that I had no desire to hear his story. He followed me.
“In the end, I had no choice. To leave her without an escort would be churlish and unbefitting. I doubted that she would feel better off once she discovered that her date was me, but I went. I was every bit as awkward as you can imagine and yet, Cecily seemed to enjoy my company. She flirted with me all evening, and when I took her home she said she hoped I would call on her sometime.”
I wasn’t sure which was more disturbing, that the man I’d been sleeping with was so insistent upon sharing the story of how he’d met the woman he intended to marry, or that he sounded like a character from a Jane Austin novel while telling it. Who uses the word churlish? While we’re on the subject, who goes to cotillions? It was slowly occurring to me that William didn’t just come from big money, he came from an entirely different world. William came from a world where women hoped to be called on and taken to cotillions. I sat down on the couch, but I continued to look everywhere but at William.
He gave a bark of harsh laughter. “She said that she couldn’t have asked for a more charming escort and joked that the only real problem was that she would now be forced to thank her sister for making the introduction. I was…shocked. Cecily was all the things I was not: attractive, popular, outgoing. I could not believe my luck. I was almost certain that she was merely being kind, but she persisted. She pursued me. Over the next couple of years, we formed an association. I escorted her to balls, benefits, and family gatherings whenever she asked. She’d send me a note telling me when and where she’d like to go, and I’d buy the tickets and often her dress.”
He paused for a minute and I looked at him. He nodded, looking miserable, before continuing. “I suppose you see what’s coming. I didn’t. I was smitten and I was an idiot. I barely saw her, really, but that made sense at the time. She was younger and still in boarding school that first year. She told me that she wasn’t allowed to have male visitors. Then she went to university a good distance away. She said that she was busy with her studies, and I was determined to be an understanding boyfriend. Once a month or so, I took to her an event and in the time between I sent cards and gifts and daydreamed about the girl who I thought actually liked me. When she turned eighteen, I was twenty and nearly finished with university, I gave her a ring and she accepted. Our families were thrilled. I hoped that our engagement would bring us closer together. I craved the sort of easy going affection that…at any rate Cecily told me she wanted to wait until our wedding night before we were…intimate. I thought she was a romantic. I was happy to wait and give her the perfect wedding night. A few months after our engagement, I walked in on her talking with some friends. They were all giggling, and she was holding court in the middle. They didn’t see me, and I was too intimidated to interrupt, so I stood off to side and waited. She was telling them all about her boyfriend and their sexual escapades. One of the girls asked if she’d slept with me yet. Cecily laughed and said, and I’m quoting here: God no, who would ever want to do that? William’s simply the dullest man alive. She later went on to explain that she hoped not to have to marry me and that I was just her back up plan. She used me for three years to get into parties and meet wealthy men. I thought she was this paragon of virtue. Turns out she was sleeping with other men the entire time. Cecily Adams is a viper. She is a vicious, manipulative creature, and though I’ll admit I was too humiliated to ask for the ring back, we are most certainly not still engaged.”
I didn’t even know what to say. I stared at him in shock. It was a horrible story.
“Now, do you understand,” he started quietly, “why I didn’t want to share the story of my ill-fated engagement?”
“Of course. Oh William. I’m—”
“What I cannot understand is how you couldn’t even ask to hear it. You were so ready to believe the worst of me. I thought we…I believe that I have misunderstood the nature of our relationship.”
William turned and walked stiffly out of my cabin, leaving me to feel like the world’s biggest jack-ass.
I followed him, of course. I waited a few moments and then walked over to his cabin like a puppy with its tail between its legs. I opened the door quietly and saw him sitting at the table with his face buried in his hands.
“William?”
He didn’t look up. “I would like to be alone right now.”
“I can understand that, but I owe you an apology.”
“Buffy, I would very much rather—” He lifted his face a little, but was turned away so I couldn’t see him. I suspected that he’d been crying, and it broke my heart a little.
“You made me hear you out. I’m going to do the same. I’ll leave when I finish, and you won’t have to see me again, if you don’t want to. I’m sorry. You’re right. I should have given you the benefit of the doubt. You’ve given me no reason not to trust you.” I sighed. “This isn’t an excuse. I’m not saying it makes it right or okay, but this, it all happened so fast. I wasn’t looking to get involved with someone. I wasn’t ready. I came here broken. I thought it would be a good place to hide and heal, then you were irresistible. I jumped into this, but I was still broken. And you are the nicest person I’ve ever met, you’re too good, too sweet, and I think I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. And I know that none of that makes it okay, but there it is. Mostly, I’m just sorry.”
I turned around and walked back out the door. I was nearly back at my cabin before I realized that I wasn’t done. I stalked back over.
“There’s something else. You didn’t trust me either. If you had you would have told me that story before. You would have seen if anyone would know what you’ve gone through, it would be me. It is the same thing that happened to me.”
He stood up then and glared at me angrily. “But it’s not, love. It is not the same thing at all. What he did to you is unforgivable, but you aren’t me. You were fooled by a professional. You’re family and friends were shocked. A professional who researched and was, I’m sure, more than willing to share your bed and had you for a few months. I was taken in by a sixteen year old trollop. She led me around like a fool for three and a half years, and everyone knew it but me. Every party I attended, every time I thought people were laughing at me, they were. I was poor pathetic William, so blind that he didn’t even notice when his date disappeared for a shag in the middle of the dance. I’m still a bloody joke. It’s been years, but they’ve still heard nothing funnier. Cecily Adams will sleep with anyone, except William, of course.”
“Oh, William.”
“Do not look at me like that. I don’t want your pity. I’ve spent years building a new life. I don’t want to be…I’m not that person anymore.”
“Cecily Adams was an idiot. She’s also clearly a bitch, but mostly I just think she had to have been the stupidest girl to ever live.”
“I don’t want to—”
“You weren’t a fool, William. You were honest and trustworthy, and you expected the same from others. You were good, and she must have been blind not to see you.”
He laughed softly. “No, I expect she saw me, scrawny and awkward.”
“You are fantastic in bed. I mean it, William, you are mind blowingly good.”
“I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but that’s not actually relevant.”
“Yes it is. You said that you were still a joke. I say, fuck that. The jokes on them, because you’re incredible!”
He walked over to the couch and sat down. I followed and sat across from him on the trunk that was set up as a coffee table. I couldn’t help but notice that he moved his legs so that our knees wouldn’t touch.
“Cecily still wears the ring. Apparently the current joke is that I ran away because I was so nervous about the wedding night. Dru wants me to go home, because it’s becoming an embarrassment for the family.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. “That bitch!”
“My sister?”
“I meant Cecily, but…yeah, your sister is kind of a bitch too.”
William laughed and shrugged. “My brother liked you.”
I frowned. “I didn’t even speak.”
He grinned. “Conversation skills are not high on Angel’s list of priorities. In truth, they probably aren’t on the list at all.”
“Nice.”
William shrugged. “He’s handsome.” He looked at me curiously. “You found him attractive, didn’t you?”
Fuck. That’s what went through my head. Fuck. I actually have an excellent vocabulary, but sometimes that is the only word that fits. What was I supposed to say? “Sure, he’s a good looking guy.” I tried to maintain a casual tone.
“You wouldn’t believe that we’re brothers, right. We look nothing alike.” And just like that he dropped the bomb.
I couldn’t take the distance anymore. I stood up, pushed his shoulders back and sat with my knees on either side of his hips. He was glaring when I cupped his face in my hands. “That does not mean that you’re not attractive too. You look different, not worse.”
“Buffy, please.” He turned his head to pull away, but I held strong.
“I have never been as attracted to anyone as I am to you. I can’t keep my hands off you.”
The look in his eyes was heartbreaking. I watched him try to work through his feelings, saw the tiny leaping light of hope trying to break through all the misery that held him back. Then I couldn’t watch anymore. I leaned in and kissed him. I meant to keep it tender, I thought he needed me to be gentle, but he pushed for more immediately. He gripped my upper arms tightly and pushed his tongue into my mouth. He kissed me like he thought he might never kiss again. By the time he finished, my lips were swollen and my entire body trembled with want.
“Is that true, Buffy? I wish it could be. I want... so badly. I want you to be mine.”
“You’ve got me, sweetheart.” It wasn’t enough. I saw it on his face. He needed more. He needed parts of me that I’d never given anyone before. His need terrified me. “It’s scary, how much you have me. I…ache for you.” They were words I’d never said before. I felt vulnerable in a whole new and desperate way.
He rested his forehead against my chest and wrapped his arms around me. I kissed the top of his head and rubbed his back.
“You have to stop her, William.”
“It’s best if I just stay away. It doesn’t bother me so much.”
“She’s still hurting you. She’s just a bully. You can’t keep letting her have all the power.”
He wouldn’t look up at me. “Do you think I don’t know that? Do you think I’m not ashamed of myself? I cannot confront her. I would just fumble and make an even greater fool of myself.”
“So let me help.” I didn’t even consider not offering. The bitch needed to be taken down. I was furious for him.
He looked up at me finally and gave me a sad-looking little smile. “That is a kind offer, love, but I don’t see how you can.”
I grinned. “Oh, but it’s easy. The joke only works if you’re miserable. You go back. You show them that she doesn’t bother you at all, that she isn’t even on your radar because you’re happy and successful. That’s it, sweetie, it’s done because you’re not playing the part she gave you anymore.”
His brow furrowed as he considered what I’d said. I tried to keep a supportive expression on my face.
“How? Exactly how?”
“You go to the next party.” I saw terror start to creep into his eyes. “With me. I gaze at you adoringly all night and we sneak off to not so hidden locations to make out.”
“Buffy, you don’t know how ugly they can be. I cannot drag you it this.”
“First off, I volunteered. Second, I can hold my own.”
He laughed softly. “Oh, love. I don’t doubt that. You are incredible.”
“So, you’re in?”
He watched me for moment before answering. “You said before that you could help, with the way I look, could you? Truly?”
“You don’t need to change. You’re perfect.”
“Pet?”
“If you…if you really want me to. I can absolutely pick out some clothes that will…better display your many finer attributes.” I sighed. “I can find you some jeans that show off your ass, and if you’re up for it, we could get you some contacts. But I don’t want you to think that I need you to do that for me. You already drive me crazy. If we make you any hotter I might never get any work done again.”
William arched his eyebrow in disbelief, but he also smiled a little. “Are you certain that we could?”
“Take the bitch down?”
He nodded.
“Oh yeah.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you to Sanity Fair for her beta-reading and advice. If you see a mistake it is undoubtedly because I was too stubborn to take her advice. Please take a minute and let me know what you're thinking. :) I know the last chapter ended on a crazy cliffhanger-I think you all might like this one better.