It was a lazy rainy Friday night, when Buffy and Spike decided to stay at home and have dinner in. As she entered into his apartment after an extended and tedious day at work, her senses were assaulted with the heavenly smells of garlic, tomato and Italian spices. Spike had outdone himself in the area culinary mastery, with homemade meatballs, a quick gravy (1), and eggplant parmesan. Buffy’s stomach immediately demanded to be fed with a thunderous, almost inhuman protest since she had only had toast and coffee earlier this morning.
In addition to the blissful smells, her sight was appeased when she spied Spike, as he stood in the kitchen, with a pair of track pants that were slung low on his delectable hips. He was sans shirt so his mouthwatering alabaster skin glistened under the kitchen lights, as he was situated in front of the stove as he slowly stirred the gravy. His bleached locks were in disarray as if he just showered and had yet style his hair. When Buffy entered into the kitchen an immense smile graced his full lips as his cerulean gaze caught her emerald one, as he held a copious amount of thick gravy on the end of a wooden spoon as he offered her a sampling.
“Tell me what’cha think?” Spike asked he gently blew on the steaming food, before he offered her a taste. Buffy placed her lips cautiously around the spoon’s end as she sampled the ambrosia.
“Oh…my…..that’s probably the best thing I’ve ever had in my mouth.” Buffy cooed as the diminutive tip of her tongue swiped the remainder of gravy from her plump lips. Buffy was met with a scarred eyebrow raise due to her declaration. Buffy giggled as she wiggled the pink appendage at Spike, then she turned and headed back into the living room to get a change of clothes from her small travel bag.
When she returned she wore black yoga pants and a deep burgundy fleece pull over. As they fell into their typical domestic routine, Buffy started to set the table, while Spike continued to prepare dinner. Now adding homemade garlic bread to the menu. A silence filled the kitchen as the two continued to complete their ‘assigned’ tasks.
Spike decided to break the silence, when he asked Buffy how her day was and the like. Her answers were uncharacteristically diminutive and at times slightly abrupt, but he chalked that up to her extensive and arduous day. Once dinner was complete, the pair were seated and then preceded to eat in virtual silence.
After they completed their meal and cleared the dishes, they proceeded to enter into the living room to watch television. Spike sensed that something weighed on her mind, since Buffy chose to sit in the recliner and not next to him on the couch.
Usually when they watched television, they would automatically enter into their ‘snuggle’ position; with Buffy lying down and Spike’s body resting in the cradle of her hips, his head on her mid chest as she ran her fingers through his wayward locks. Or they would be seated, with her feet on his lap as he massaged the tension away. Instead, she was seated on the recliner, with her legs pulled up to her chest, chin rested on her knees. It appeared as she was trying to prevent him from approaching her.
Another ten minutes of silence filled the room, until Spike couldn’t tolerate another moment longer. His rough voice, due to the minimal usage in the last hour, rang out and caused Buffy to slightly startle out of her reverie.
“Buffy…luv….what’s on your mind?” Spike asked full of concern.
“Nothing.” Buffy answered quickly and without taking her eyes of the screen.
“If you don’t mind me saying luv, it doesn’t appear to be nothing. Even though you’re sitting there, your not, if you catch my drift.” Spike responded as he turned to face her rigid form. Buffy lifted her head off her knees and her eyes shimmered with tears, before she looked away and responded to him.
“It’s just……I don’t know…..I’ve been thinking some….well not some…..a lot…..” Buffy stuttered, as her vision seemed to be fixated on the cotton candy pink nail polish that donned her toes.
After her statement, Spike’s forehead furrow as he tried to decide how he would proceed. His brain screamed that he wanted to know what she was thinking about. His heart, on the other hand, protested and wanted to continue in the blissful unknown. Due to Spike being Spike, his brain overrode his heart and the words tumbled from his mouth before his heart could veto them.
“What have you been thinking about that would upset you so much?” Spike asked as a gigantic weight filled the pit of his stomach, threatening to displace the Italian dinner. Deafening silence filled the room for several moments before she spoke, as her eyes were still downcast.
“I don’t think that this will work.” Buffy all but whispered. Despite her words that hit his ears as a scream, Spike asked her to repeat what she had said. This time, Buffy’s gaze met his as she spoke with conviction.
“I don’t think that this will work.” Buffy stated with strength that she did not feel. Her heart pounded in her chest and dinner was on the cusp of making a reappearance. Buffy’s head swarm with conflicted thoughts, from her feelings and her logic.
“You said that, but what does that bloody well mean?” Spike asked with a bitter edge to his voice. Buffy inhaled deeply, before she began to speak again.
“I had a whole explanation planned, but it all sounds like utter bullshit to me as those words ran through my head. It’s just…..I don’t think that it can work…..between us…..a relationship……I just won’t work. Buffy explained
“You keep saying that it won’t or can’t work! Repeating yourself four times isn’t an explanation it’s an echo! Just say what you mean Buffy!” Spike snapped as he stood in front of her seated form. Buffy’s gaze ascended his body until it reached his face that was slightly contoured with irritation and hurt. His reaction triggered her defenses and she responded as such.
“Fine….you want me to be straight with you…..here it is……I need to break away from you.” Buffy explained with a set expression. Once the words hit his brain, Spike sat down and his features soften as he spoke.
“Why didn’t you say so in the first place? Here I was all worried that it was something more than us having time apart while we get ready for this trial. If I wasn’t such a selfish bloke that wanted you with me 24/7, I would of thought of the same thing. Yeah…..I agree, time apart will be good so when get our mind set on the trial.” Spike declared with relief.
Buffy didn’t respond as she buried her head into her legs as her forehead rested on her knees. Despite his recent statement, due to her silence, he questioned if he was completely off from their interpretations of her prior statement. Since her silence was the only sound that he was met with, Spike asked her another question that filled his heart with utter dread.
“Buffy…..you do mean that we’ll stay apart until the trial is done…..right?” Spike’s voice sounded so small as the words left his mouth. When he was met with her teary gaze, Spike felt his heart shatter in his chest.
The breath that he didn’t know he held, shuttered as he exhaled, as he tried to rein in his emotions. Spike lunged forward off the couch and landed on his knees in front of her. Her legs remained perched on the recliner, as Spike tried to get as close as he could with them in the way. His chest pressed against her shins as he placed his hands on her damp cheeks. Pain-swirled azure met hardened emerald as he spoke.
“Buffy…..I love you…..we belong together. This trial is such a miniscule part of our lives…..it shouldn’t impact our relationship.” Spike declared with love-filled eyes. Buffy looked into his cerulean depths for a few moments before she spoke.
“It’s not just this trial…..its the basis of our whole relationship……that is why we won’t work.” Buffy clarified. After several beats, as he searched her eyes, his hands fell away from her tear-stained face. Spike in defeat, slumped to the floor as he head hung down. As Buffy’s feet reached the floor, Spike’s head shot up to stare at the woman before him. With a shaky voice he spoke
“What do you mean…..maybe I’m dense…..but I don’t understand. I thought our relationship was as close to perfect as two people could be?” Spike whispered. Buffy looked down on the crushed man at her feet, as she tried to swallow the lump that was housed there.
“Amazing sex and trips to the park aren’t the foundations for a perfect relationship.” Buffy murmured. His stare hardened at her remark, as he shot to his feet and grabbed her tightly by the upper arms as he retorted
“That’s not all we had! It wasn’t day trips and shagging that made us perfect together……it’s our connection. I know you felt it! How can you stand there at deny that!" Spike growled
“We had a connection……but it was always based on lust! Outside the bedroom how compatible are we? Sure we like the same everyday things……like food and sports…..but that doesn’t mean we’re soul mates! Our view of the world in completely different! I fight for truth and the justice for the wronged…..you sold your soul to Evil Inc. for the all mighty buck, as you defend rich boys and girls that think that just because their family has money that they’re above the law! We were fooling ourselves that we could blissfully ignore this pink elephant in our relationship! Everything that you stand for from the minute you put on your suit makes my skin crawl! How could I truly love you, when who you are is all that I hate?” Buffy yelled. Spike eyes widen in fury as his hands tightened on her arms, before they dropped away.
Spike didn’t hear Buffy move around the room as she collected her belongings, while the pain and fury pounded in his ears. Buffy faced his turned form and softly spoke before she left.
“I’m sorry…..I didn’t want to hurt you. It’s just……I love you and……” Buffy tried to explain as Spike whipped around and faced her. His once angelic face was contorted into a demon-like sneer, as his eyes flashed with a fury-filled, steely gray hue. Buffy shivered slightly from the anguish and anger that filled the man in front of her.
“Don’t…..you…..DARE! Don’t you tell me that you love me while you’re ripping my heart to shreds!” Spike shook with resentment, as he spoke with a hardness that she had never heard before.
“Please…..I didn’t want to leave like this…..”Buffy tried to clarify, before she was cut off by his snarl.
“GET….THE…..FUCK…OUT! NOW!!” Spike yelled as he tried to hold his tears at bay. Buffy’s eyes widened, as her own tears danced on her bottom lids, which threatened to fall with the smallest flicker of movement. She looked upon him for the final time with great sadness, before she spoke the last three words that seemed to echo in his mind for days to come.
“Good-bye…..William.”
With that she turned and left his apartment, as she silently closed the door behind her. The closure of the door sounded in his mind like a blast. A demonic scream tore from his throat as he began to mindlessly grab anything and everything that moved, to hear the sounds of its destruction. As pieces and shards of broken glass, wood and fabric filled the room. Like a hurricane, Spike ripped through is apartment as he unleashed the fury that burned in his soul.
Buffy hovered outside his door as she heard and felt the pain that Spike had unleashed. Her heart screamed at her to go back to him. Tell him that she made a mistake. That no matter what, they could conquer all that would befall them. Her mind told her to walk away, that he was strong and that this was for the best.
Buffy mind won, as it orchestrated her feet to move away from his door. In a haze, Buffy left his building. Eventually, with her body on autopilot, she arrived home. Upon entering her apartment, she fell to the floor and shattered.
(1) most people call it sauce, but being Italian, my family calls it gravy
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I hope you enjoy! Please read All Hallows Eve again.....a small section was added...hopefully it brings the story together better.
Chapter End Notes:
Ok.....I know that you all hate me right now. I'm totally sorry. I hated to write this chapter, but how could it be Buffy and Spike without drama and angst? Please tell me what your thoughts are....good, bad or otherwise. since I've had a lot of people say that this came out of nowhere....my subtely was too subtle, I added a small section in the last chapter. Hopefully this will now tie in where I went with this story in this chapter.