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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you everyone for your reviews and your continued readage!
Across the city at Willie’s….


“Thanks, mate. I’ve needed this since Monday afternoon! Just keep ‘em comin’ and give me an order of extra spicy hot wings and one of those flowerin’ onion thingys.” Spike instructed.

“You got it Spike, but we don’t have the Blooming onion anymore.” Willie explained.

“Bloody ‘ell! I was lookin’ forward to it too. Just give me a double order on the wings then.” Spike sulked.

“Sure no problem.” With that Willie left to place Spike’s order.

Spike looked toward the door for Clem.

“Where the bleedin’ ‘ell is that prat?” Spike mumbled into his lager.

Almost on cue, Clem entered Willie’s walked towards the bar and plopped on the stool two down from Spike. You could tell it was Friday. Both men were sans jackets and ties with two to three buttons released on their now slightly wrinkled white shirts.

“About time you ponce! I don’t see how you need to work late on a Friday. It’s only skin! No such thing as an Emergency Zit Extraction! You can pop the nasty buggers on Monday.” Spike jested.

“It’s not all about popping zits you asshole! There are much bigger concerns in being a Dermatologist than acne. Remember I am also involved with Infectious Disease Control. If ya don’t lay off, I’ll take my work home. How does a flesh eating virus sound? Maybe we can play hide and seek with a vial of that nasty stuff. How about a hint to where I might hide it. It's your draw that rhymes with ‘over there’. If you’re too blonde to figure it out, it’s the draw that holds your banana hammocks! You won’t be too happy when your dick starts to rot and the best IDC doctor in Mass., moi, will be too busy popping zits to help your sorry ass!” Clem sneered.

“Nice image. Sorry to rain on your rant, but I don’t have one of those draws, I go commando, au natural.” Spike chuckled. Spike spied Harmony out of the corner of his eye and let out a big sigh

“Ahhhhhh…..speakin’ of crotch rot. There’s Harmony. Hopefully she doesn’t spy me” Spike snickered.

Spike turned toward Clem so only his back faced Harmony. Spike prayed to any and all gods, demi-gods, goddesses and the like for Harmony not to see him. Without fail as quickly as he thought this he saw Clem form a shit-eating grin, and his eyes focused over Spike’s shoulder.

“Corroded crotch at five o’clock!” Clem laughed.

“Bleedin’ brilliant. Karma takin’ a huge bite of my arse.” Spike sighed.

“Oh….blonde bear!” Harmony squealed. Her voice was only one or two decibels lower than a dog whistle.

Spike continued to focus on his drink in front of him.

“Spikey?” Harmony called as she approached Spike’s back. She started to run her hands over his body. One hand in his bleached locks and the other trailed down his muscular back towards his equally muscular ass.

Spike rapidly turned on his stool to face her. When he spun the hand in his hair fell away the other hand on his back landed on his thigh close to his knee.

“Oooooh! Hey my Big Bad. You wanna get out of here?” Harmony cooed as she heavily licked her lips and started to trail her hand closer to his lap.

Spike eyed her offending hand then angrily glared at Harmony. He hoped that she would remove her hand before he did. Harmony being dense didn’t notice the disdain on Spike’s handsome face.

“Harm, I haven’t had that MUCH to drink.” Spike spat

“It’s cool. We can have a few more then go.” Harmony chirped, still as clueless as ever.

“No Harm, I will NEVER have that much to drink....EVER AGAIN.” Spike sneered.

“Oooookay, like I said, we can have a few and go, not a problem blonde bear.” Harmony stated as her wandering hand was almost at its destination.

As Spike held Harmony’s gaze he instantly grabbed the offending hand and squeezed none too gently. Then he spoke

“Harm…. Let me put this in miniscule terms that your pea brain can comprehend……PISS OFF!” Spike yelled. His outburst turned several heads of the other patrons.

Then Spike immediately dropped her hand and turned to face Clem. Harmony stood with her mouth agape for several beats than hollered.

“Fine…..fine! Just know this Spike, that you’ll never see THIS…. Again!(as she pointed to her ass) Well, you could if I walked away…..so I’ll just back away.” With that Harmony clumsily backed away from Spike and toward the exit. Harmony backed into several customers who were enjoying the show, but she didn’t stop until she reached the door. She quickly spun around and left the bar, a slammed door in her wake.

“Damn Spike, that was harsh.” Clem stated.

“Wha’? I tried to be nice and the bloody bint is clueless! How many times do I have to say no? Do I have to make ‘er a bleedin’ diorama!” Spike growled.

“Well this is true. Harmony is definitely a type of girl that would have a caption over her head saying “Insert blonde joke here.” Clem teased.

“Ya, she may have been bloody brilliant before I was with her. I may have shagged her brains right out! There wasn’t much conversation before that mediocre event.” Spike chuckled

“Yeah, highly unlikely.” Clem poked back.

“Oi…….I’ll have ya know that I’ve never had any complaints and numerous requests for repeat performances!” Spike exclaimed.

“Ya you’re a regular bleached Casanova. Aren’t you Spikey?” Clem taunted.

“Damn right I am and never call me that again…ya pillock!” Spike announced.

“Oh I’m sorry, you prefer blonde bear?” Clem questioned with a laugh.

“Ya about as much as syphilis, and no I don’t know firsthand ya bastard.” Spike harshly stated.

At this point Willie arrived with their hot wings and two refills. Both men dug in and silence fell between the two until Spike’s question broke it.

“Clem, have ya ever met a woman who you should completely despise, but every night she haunts your dreams. Intense dreams. These dreams are exclusively crammed with non-stop shagging, in every way possible, in every position, location and orifice. Types of dreams that when ya wake up your so hard that a slight breeze should make ya shoot off, but no amount of whacking off makes it go down? Spike inquired.

Clem stared at Spike with a half eaten chicken wing that hung from his mouth. The look of “What the Fuck?!?” was written all over his face.

Clem removed the wing and casually placed it on his plate. He then turned to look at his friend.

“The better question is, have YOU had a bonerific dream about some supposed to be despised and immensely talented chick?” Clem questioned.

“I wouldn’t be asking if I hadn’t ya wanker.” Spike sneered.

“Yeah, well I’m not the one polishing my knob on a daily basis. Well maybe I am, but that’s not the point. The point is….the point is…..it’s that I seriously need to get laid!” Clem declared.

“You and me both mate.” Spike sighed.

“You gotta be shittin’ me? Your willie has seen more ass in the last four months than I have all year!” Clem bellowed.

“Ya well the problem is that he’s all head and no brains! I have yet to meet a woman, they’ve all been girls. (Clem’s eyebrows shot up in question) No not that kind, ya bloody perv.” Spike snarled.

“So tell me about this temptress that’s haunting your dreams Sir William.” Clem probed.

“She’s bloody amazing! She’s petite in stature, but her inner fire makes her appear larger than life. She has long golden tresses, large expressive green with golden speckled eyes, full kissable bee-stung lips and flawless skin. Even under her well tailored suit, I can tell that her body is firm yet soft, absolutely made for sin and………” Spike dreamily recalled.

“Easy lover boy! Your giving me a hard-on just hearing about her!” Clem joked.

Spike immediately lost his dreamy look and flashed Clem a ‘fuck off look’. In addition to this look, Spike made a sound that originated from his chest and reverberated in the back of his throat. The noise resembled a growl.

“Whoa (Clem held up his hands in surrender) easy Spike. Did you just growl? I’m only joking relax killer.” Clem instructed.

“Clem, she’ all around me. She’s in my mind, my dreams; the thoughts of her are consuming me. I don’t understand. I’ve never felt like this way before, not even about the love of my life, Drusilla. I don’t even bloody know her personally and yet she consumes me.” Spike explained.

“Dude, you’ve got it bad. By the way, who is she?” Clem hesitantly asked.

“That the crux of the problem…..she’s involved in my new case. She’s the bleedin’ Assistant District Attorney! Talk about being a glutton for punishment. I’m such a bloody ponce!” Spike sighed as he started to run his hands through his bleached locks.

“Lord knows I’m not one to give advice about the ladies, but maybe you can relate to her on a personal level. Humanize yourself. Be William, not the prick defense attorney.” Clem suggested.

“Bollocks, too late for that. We’re in the “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours’ faze of pre-trial. Well the case is sexually based, so…….” Spike tried to explain.

“Let me guess, you probably shown her enough stuff that would make Jenna Jameson blush?” Clem asked.

“Ya…..I’m such a dick.” Spike groaned

“Spike, don’t trash yourself. You’re doing what Wolfram and Hart is paying you the big bucks for. Like I suggested, do what you need to do for the case, but outside of the courtroom turn on the charm. Show her the softer side of Sears.” Clem advised.

“I’ll be in court next week, hopefully I’ll run into her.” Spike sighed.

“Let the force be with you my son.” Clem teased in a deep baritone voice.


Chapter End Notes:
More Spuffy to come!



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