Now, the way my day had been going, I was totally grateful we were no longer in California. Due to the natural progression of things, I figured the next incident to happen was the ground opening up and swallowing me whole. Fortunately actually, though unfortunately for my clean blouse and still slightly scalded breasts, this wasn’t the case. Within three steps of the bathroom, another steaming cup of coffee christened me. Well, to be more precise, a caramel macchiato. I know this, because that’s what the stupid bitch who spilled it on me shrieked.
After cursing my day so far once again, I took my caramelized breasts and headed toward my destination, my home for the next seven-plus hours—a gigantic metal tube. Where there was no escaping from breathing in stale processed air, sitting near strangers, and eating plastic food off of plastic trays…hoo-ray. Well, on the plus side, if there was one, the Scum twins were no longer my traveling buddies. That was the only upside. I now had two new companions for the rest of my flight to London, Mr. and Mrs. Bickerson.
From the moment I approached our row, the teary-eyed wife asked if I minded if we swapped seats. After a few moments of looking at her big, pleading eyes, I was guilt-tripped into doing so and ultimately became a human wall between her and the obviously pissed off husband. Two hours into the flight, my mere presence didn’t stop the “looks that could kill” and the nasty barbs traded back and forth. Gratefully, my constant humming of random songs, blocked out most of their interactions.
Dinner was pretty uneventful, except instead of the Bickersons attacking each other; they were now verbally attacking the stewardess. Throughout the meal their complaints never ended. I tried to ignore them and their comments and even offered the stewardess a half-hearted smile, accompanied with an eye roll for her benefit, which she responded with a forced smile of her own.
No matter how shitty this day or any other had been, I vowed right then and there that I would never be as jaded as my two bitchy bookends. In life, you have to take the good with the bad and move on. Even though at that moment those words sounded like utter bullshit or some blurb stuck inside a fortune cookie, I really had to believe them if I was going to get through the day mentally unscathed.
Then the silver lining on this persistent dark cloud that was my life, announced itself. It was the wonderful clinking sound of small bottles striking each other while the stewardess pushed a cart holding alcohol down the aisle. Now, I’m not a religious person, but I could have sworn I saw a heavenly light shine directly on the cart, while an angels’ choir sang loudly, heralding its arrival. I was ready to shout “Hallelujah” and thank any and all denominations that existed for this gift.
That was until she just passed me by…three times! What the fuck! No matter how fast I nodded my head, said “Excuse me.”, or flat out yelled “Hey, over here, a woman needing much alcohol.” She just kept passing me by. Bitch. But I really shouldn’t be surprised. Actually, I should be slightly grateful she didn’t listen to me, if she did, I’d probably keel over from complete and utter shock that actually something went right today.
Well, at least I accomplished something positive. I was finally able to leave my position as a flesh blockade and return to my original seat. It appeared Mr. Bickerson viewed me as a woman of questionable morals due to me begging for alcohol. In turn, he asked if I minded trading seats with his wife once more. Normally, with anyone else doing this, I would’ve been insulted. However, for him to insult me would mean I actually cared, which I so didn’t. Hey, the way my day had been, I’ll take my small pleasures where I can get them.
After begging unsuccessfully for almost an hour, I finally realized that we peasants in coach weren’t worth a second glance. Since the busty blonde stewardess refused to acknowledge my presence as she kept passing me by, repeatedly heading toward and disappearing behind the first class seating curtain. With a huff of frustration, I decided if I couldn’t drink, I would do the next best thing. Wait, I lied. Sex— sex is the first, second, and third best thing, with drinking being fourth, and sleep coming in dead last on my list of best things. Since the first four options were not available, sleep was my only choice.
I turned from the now loving couple beside me and made an uncomfortable, makeshift pillow using my bent arm. Gratefully, a few minutes later sleep started to pull me under. Well, that was until another part of me had a say -- my bladder. I tried to ignore the heavy, full feeling pulling on my lower abdomen, but to no avail. Of course, the only break I had been given today was short-lived.
Grumbling, I stood and headed toward the ungodly tiny room designated for the relief I sought. Once I arrived, I noticed the small red window taunting me…”Ocupado.” I stepped back, well as far as the area allowed, and waited. I waited so long that the “pee-pee dance” was no longer an option, and I had to keep my legs crossed and hoped I didn’t sneeze. Then the door finally opened, revealing the previous occupant… No way!
No fucking way was I going to enter that bathroom after one of the Scum twins exited. I’ve unfortunately smelled what was brewing inside him earlier, and I knew the room would have at the very least needed a Hazmat team to clear the area before anyone could enter safely. Instantly, I decided the first class bathroom was my new destination. Getting there would be a difficult task since coach chattel passing the curtain and entering into this forbidden zone was a big no-no. Nonetheless, I was up to the challenge of this daring and daunting task I had laid out for myself. I had nothing to lose.
As I passed my seat heading toward my new destination, I became tempted to reenact all those well-known scenes from the movies. You know what I’m talking about, when someone gives their final goodbye speech and then takes that walk of martyrdom into the sunset. Hey, I was owed this big time, but when I looked at the Bickersons and saw how they were both too busy playing their part as a nauseating loving couple, I decided my speech would have fallen on deaf ears. So I slipped away quietly, hoping that at least this one thing would go right.
With the combination of stealth and urgency, I walked toward the curtain. As I stared at the deep crimson barrier at the end of the aisle, I felt like I was Charlie’s Grandpa from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Grandpa belonged fully in the world of being an adult, where one viewed things through jaded and uninterested eyes and the magical qualities of life no longer existed. Then, on the other hand, you had his grandson, Charlie, with the eyes of a child, still seeing everything as new and exciting. So when Grandpa entered Mr. Wonka’s world, he had to leave all his adult thoughts behind and embrace his inner child. I was in that frame of mind now. It was strange that even something as simple as the first class area behind the curtain, filled me with an unexpected excitement. Even though my rational adult mind told me, “It’s just more seats, only bigger and more comfy ones, but seats all the same,” I still approached the curtain as if something new, something magical could be behind there. Or all these thoughts could have been a urine-induced craziness from a full bladder, but I decided to go with the saner route, it made me feel much better.
I placed my hand on the heavy fabric, pushing it aside just enough for me to slip past. Beyond me were four rows on each side of a carpeted aisle, with two plush seats in each row. Cautiously, I passed the closest row of seats, which were empty, both on the left and right. Then I spied what I was looking for -- the bathroom. I could have sworn I heard mini trumpets announcing my find.
My eyes remained fixed on my goal as I walked further into the first class area, but within a few more steps, my gaze shifted, and I noticed to my left a lowered tray table with an array of numerous nips littering the surface. Score! I had a sudden urge to reenact Grandpa’s dancing and singing, once he finally dragged his lazy ass out of bed, after Charlie showed him his golden ticket. Oh, for the record, before I go any further, can I say Grandpa’s ménage å quatre, eww. Anyway, like him, I wanted to do a jig and belt out a song, but with a full bladder and me not supposed to be there, I decided against it.
As I walked closer to my glorious find, I noticed something else, more specifically, somebody else. Sprawled lengthwise across a pair of plush seats was a man, no, not just a man, but a bleached hair, black and leathered clad bad boy who was…sleeping. He looked like a walking, well lying and snoozing, contradiction. His features were angelic, but the rest of him screamed pure sinner.
Sleeping beauty’s hair was a shocking shade of platinum, which was definitely not his natural color due to his eyebrows being much darker. He had long, full lashes brushing against his pale skin, a distinctly regal nose, and let’s not forget his insanely, almost feminine but totally not, chiseled cheekbones. Then he had these full, kissable lips holding an almost smug smile.
He was decked from head to toe in black. A snug tee showed off his nicely shaped upper body that was neither scrawny or too bulky. How did Goldilocks put it when she found baby bear’s stuff? Oh, yeah, “just right.” Then I noticed his strong, masculine hands that were interlaced and resting on his abdomen, his long fingers tipped with chipped black nail polish.
Then there were his skin-tight jeans. They looked painted on! How the hell he shimmied into them was anyone’s guess. But, I do have to say this, big thanks from little ol’ me for all his efforts in doing so! He filled out a pair of jeans like nobody’s business! Even though I was unable to view his concealed weapon in the flesh, believe me, I took a long, hard look at his package all wrapped up in tight denim, and let me tell you, Pavlov’s dog couldn’t match the saliva pooling in my mouth. Let’s not even talk about the wetness seeping through my satin thong.
Again, I’m not a religious person, but I was ready to get on my knees and…pray, so I could thank God for this unfortunately concealed but extremely blessed attribute I able to ogle and—
Huh? What? I spaced out? Sorry, I…what was I saying?
Right…I didn’t forget! I was just having a private moment there. Anyway, let’s not forget the best part— ok, the second best part -- the leather. The man had on a leather trench to complete his bad boy outfit, and you know how I feel about a man in a leather coat. Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more.
I’m truly convinced the devil himself had created this man and unleashed him on the female population to create a big ol’ conga line to hell. The devil is a tricky bastard, but you have to give him kudos; he definitely knows how to market his product.
Regardless of all this man’s yumminess, he did share one thing with the rest of the male population— he was completely clueless. Despite me standing there gawking at him with immense appreciation, he continued to sleep. But I do have to say this, he looked so good doing it.
He reminded me of a big, dangerous cat stretched out in the midday sun, right after feasting on his latest hunt. Boy, what I wouldn’t do to be the object he tracked, captured, and devoured. Unfortunately, I didn’t trespass into I-have-more-money-than-you land to leer at this guy, regardless of how it couldn’t be avoided. You had to be blind not to see the utter perfection that was he. *Sigh*
Then I decided, well more so my bladder did, to move on and do what I’d originally came there to do. But first, those little bottles of liquid happiness called my name. Since I couldn’t partake in my first, second, or third favorite thing, I could at least have my fourth. I eyed Mr. Sexy once more, before I slowly reached forward to borrow a few nips.
It almost seemed inhuman how fast he moved. One of his strong hands moved lightning quick and wrapped around my wrist, his long slender fingers overlapping his thumb within his grip. Oh, oh, busted! I froze instantly, only my huge bugged eyes moved from the bottles to him. His eyes were stormy, and his jaw was clenched tight as he spoke. Clearly, he was pissed off.
“Do be specific and tell a fellow just exactly what you're doing.”
Initially, despite how pissed off he was, all I could focus on was his captivating blue eyes and his amazingly sexy voice. It was as smooth as silk and possessed a deep timbre with a bonus panty-soaking English accent. After a few moments of me staring at him stupidly, I finally found my voice.
“I…um…I thought since you…well, since you were sleeping—“
“That you’d ‘ave a go at my radiator hooch?”
“Huh? No, I wasn’t trying to touch that, I was only going to take…I mean borrow, yeah borrow, some alcohol. See, the ditzy blond stewardess wouldn’t give me my own, no matter how much I tried to get her attention. After about an hour, I decided to stop trying. Then I was going to go asleep, but I couldn’t since I had to use the little girls’ room. I was going to use the one back in coach, but this nasty assed guy was in there before me, and I just couldn’t go in after him, so I decided to come to first class and use this bathroom. That’s when I noticed the extra booze you weren’t drinking, and since you were sleeping… You were sleeping weren’t you? Anyway, I thought you wouldn’t mind…and I was going to leave you some money for what I took and—“
While I rambled on and on like I normally do when I’m nervous, I could see his jaw relax and his eyes began to lighten. His blue eyes now resembled the sky on a crisp autumn day, and the anger originally there was now gratefully gone, replaced by what appeared to be humor.
Then he was laughing, a deep rumbling laugh that I felt running up my arm, traveling throughout my body, and settling at the apex of my thighs. I instantly became wet. In fact, I’m getting wet now just thinking about him. Sorry, I know, TMI—just deal with it. I’m glad he took over the conversation, because I was completely running out of things to say, which unfortunately, as you know, doesn’t stop me from continuing to babble.
“Radiator hooch is a piss poor excuse for alcohol, pet. What did you think I was referring to?”
“Um, never mind what I thought. I’m sorry I tried to, well let’s be honest, steal your whatever you called it. I normally don’t do things like that. Its just today’s been a different kind of day and not in a good way. I should’ve known I was gonna get busted.”
“Well, you weren’t exactly stealthy in the way of tryin’ to nick my alcohol. So, tell me, what’s the name of my little Oliver Twist?”
He practically purred when he said my. Normally, any guy trying to be all possessive, Cro-Magnon man over me, I tell him to get stuffed and leave or tell him to leave, whatever the case may be. Yet, this man made me weak in the knees, had my heart beating wildly within my chest and yup, even wetter. He still had a firm, yet at the same time gentle, grasp on my wrist, and I had no desire for him to let go. Sounding like a pubescent girl talking to a cute boy for the first time, I finally answered him, stuttering like a fool.
“B…B…Buffy?”
“Are you askin’ or tellin’ me your name? The way you tripped over your own tongue, I wager you made that piss-poor name up. That’s fine. I don’t wanna keep your precious self detained a minute longer. Now, push off and go take care of your business so you can leave me be.”
Following his sarcastic and stinging remark, he let go of my wrist as if the skin there burned him. For the first time since he woke, the mini-trance I was under ended. I went from horny to pissed off in two seconds flat. How dare he?
“You…are…such…an…ass! I wasn’t giving you a made up name, but now that I’ve seen this charming side of you, I wish I had! I can’t even believe my day. This is a nightmare, all of it! It has to be! There is no way one person could have this much shit happened to them in one day. Thanks for the chat, asshole.”
I turned around and tried to storm away, but he wouldn’t let me. In a whirl of motion, he was standing before me as an ever-present wall of black. I tried to dodge around him, but he shifted and now completely blocked my way. Since I wasn’t going to climb over the seats, he had me trapped. Briefly holding up his hands in mock surrender, he spoke,
“Whoa, kitten has claws.”
“Yeah, I do and if you don’t get your bleached ass out of my way, I’ll have to use them.”
“Don’t mind if you do. I like it rough.”
There he went again, purring his words causing my inner slut to jump up and down wanting to have a go at this salty goodness standing before me. Tamping her down, I started to relax a little from the raw sexuality oozing off of him. That mingled with his dirty humor distracted and disarmed the bitchy side of me. I guess it worked a little too well, since my next words were real doozies.
“So, since you seem to be getting me all worked up, and I will probably be screaming your name any minute now, what should I be screaming?”
Damn it! I thought I had placed my inner slut under lock and key, yet she pulled a Houdini and freed herself, whispering naughty thoughts to my brain and leaking them to my mouth. Even though I could feel my eyes bulging from their sockets in an almost cartoon-like manner, I hoped he hadn’t taken my words seriously. Then I knew by the way his pupils grew instantly, the black hungrily eating away at the blue and the smirk tugging at his lips. He didn’t miss a beat.
“Oh, no doubt you’ll be screamin’ my name, luv. That I can guarantee. Name’s Spike, but I will also answer to ‘Oh my God’.”
I really should have been pissed with him being so smug, but seeing the outline of his Spike hiding in his snug denims, I could tell he wasn’t just talking shit, and he definitely had the equipment to back up his boasting. So, I let it slide. Boy, I really wanted to let it slide, right between my…fine, fine sorry! You usually like all the smutty details. When the hell did you turn into a nun? Anyway, I bet an ex-girlfriend or another lucky chick that got to ride this black-clad stud gave him his fitting name. Then, the smooth operator I am, I started stuttering again.
“I totally didn’t mean…I mean...I’ve been screaming all day…oh, no, not like that…it’s just…never mind…I, all I wanted to know was…well, not about you inthatway…just your name…not…ok, before I continue to embarrass myself any further, I should exit, stage left.”
“No need to drop a clanger, luv. ‘M flattered, yeah?”
“Huh, drop a clunker? Is that British for someone who is about as subtle as a freight train?”
“No, and it’s drop a clanger, and it means you’re embarrassed ‘bout what you said.”
“Oh, ok, yeah, I’m completely embarrassed for coming across like some big vapid ho. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve never had a problem speaking my mind, but I’m usually not so…um…forward.”
“Again, luv, not complain’ ‘ere. I rather fancy a beautiful woman who voices what she needs. What she desires.”
As he continued to speak his voice dropped several octaves and, if possible, became even more seductive and incredibly sexy. Each word caressed me like a courteous lover, sending tendrils of pleasure gliding across my body.
For endless moments, we just stared at one another. Completely transfixed, I couldn’t blink or move. Only the steady rise and fall of my chest and the pounding of my heart marked the time that passed.
I felt completely lost in his mesmerizing gaze. Do you remember during Disney’s Jungle Book when Kaa the snake had Mowgli all wrapped up and was trying to hypnotize him? It was like that, well, without the freaky psychedelic swirling eyes. Then my bladder, the Baloo of this analogy, started kicking up a fierce protest that I wasn’t doing what I originally set out to do. It took all my will to break away, but I finally did, and my voice came out in a mere whisper.
“Um…I…I really need...”
“What do you need, luv?”
Then he was standing before me, our chests a hairsbreadth from touching. I could feel the heat from his body burning me, the warm puffs of his breath tickling my face, and his intense gaze trying to pull me under once more. Every part of me wanted the endless ocean of his blue eyes to sweep me away. Well, all of me accept the muscles holding back the flood my bladder wanted to release.
“I need…I need to pee.”
Ha! Eat your heart out Kate Hudson! I don’t need ten days to lose a guy, just ten seconds. Stupid natural urges. I’ve definitely chased Mr. I’ve-gotta-get-me-some-of-that away, and I doubt he’ll even give me even a second glance when I come out of the bathroom. Well, unless he’s into that sort of thing, and if he is, all I can say is eww. I like kink, but a golden shower is not on my sexual things-to-do list.
It seemed to take a few moments for my words to sink into his mind. Once they did, his brow furrowed briefly, probably from sheer disgust. Then he totally surprised me, he laughed. Not a nervous grossed out laugh, but an actual this is pretty funny, never expected that, laugh. The deep chuckle spilling from him causing his chest to brush against mine, and I had to stifle a moan from this briefest touch. My nipples hardened instantly into two sharp peaks, and it took all my self-control not to grab him—my trip to the bathroom and full bladder be damned!
“Well, don’t let The Big Bad Wolf stop you from your journey, Little Red Riding Hood.”
In an instant, he now stood off to the side with his arm extended like a perfect gentleman. Well, a perfect gentleman that had me almost cumming in my pants. I gave him a small smile and whispered "thanks" before I headed to the bathroom.
Luckily, for the stewardess this bathroom was empty. If it wasn’t she would have without doubt had a nasty spillage to clean up. Quickly, I shut the door and with my thighs clenched together, I hurried to the toilet all the while hiking up my skirt. Just as my ass hit the cold metal, a stream of relief burst forth along with a long, grateful sigh. As I sat on my majestic throne, my mind wandered back to the stunning hunk of salty goodness I’d just met.
I’m surprised the sky marshals allowed Mr. Walking Sex on the plane. His mere presence should be illegal, illegal I tell you! Everything from his bad boy bleached hair, seemingly flawless physique, to those killer cheekbones and full lips with a taunting smirk, and then wrapping all of that up in leather? Complete and total yum.
What? Why didn’t I what? What kind of person do you think I am? Yeah, yeah I am, but I’m not a complete nympho. Couldn’t very well attack the man and tear his pants down, could I? Well, I could, but I can proudly say I showed restraint. Boy, I really hate my inner Jiminy Cricket sometimes.
Well, after I finished doing my business and washed my hands, I tried the best I could to fix myself up. I don’t know how Mr. Hotness found me the least bit attractive. I had a huge stain on my blouse, and my makeup lost its freshness about five hours ago. Let’s not even discuss my hair. If he knew how, or more specifically where I rinsed my hair out this morning, he would have called for the stewardess immediately to get this crazy-toilet-bathing chick the hell away from him.
With a final glance at the disaster that I was, I headed to the door. Pulling the door open, I was immediately face to face with a cotton-clad, muscular chest. My wide gaze traveled upwards, completely enjoying the route along the way, until it locked with his. Before I could say a word, his lips were on mine. His hungry kiss spoke volumes: it was gentle yet demanding, tentative yet confident, taking yet giving. All the while I could feel he was holding back, waiting for me to make the final decision—allowing him in.
Boy, I’ve been talking an awful lot, and I really need a drink, a nice stiff one. I’ll be right back and then I’ll finish—no, I’m not a tease. I'm thirsty and…fine, before I go, I’ll give you this little bit to ponder while I’m gone— Hell yes, of course I let him in!
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Ok, I hope everyone is ready for the next chappie. I had SO much fun writting this chapter. Hopefully you all will have just as much fun reading it! Big thanks to my betas Sanityfair and Diebirchen! Love ya ladies! Any mistakes beyond their awesome beta-ering, are completely my fault.
Chapter End Notes:
*crossing fingers and toes* So, whatcha think? Yes, I know there were loads of pop culture references. I just like using them, they make me feel all witty. In total, I used 12 references. Did you find them all? If not, let me tell you what they were. The first and second were from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the 1971 version, NOT the crappy remake! Oh, and if you didn't get the menage a quatre reference, I suggest you watch the movie...it's a must see. Fourth and eleventh, are characters from children's fairy tales. Fifth, a psychological experiment. Sixth, was from Monty Python's Nudge Nudge skit. Seventh, was a favorite saying from a cartoon panther named Snagglepus. Eighth, a famous escape artist and magician. Third, ninth and twelfth, characters from Disney movies. And finally tenth, a 2003 movie called "How to loose a guy in ten days", staring Kate Hudson. After all of that, let me know whatcha think! Big thanks!