“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.”
Senca—Roman philosopher, mid-1st century AD
Will awoke to the bright sunlight streaming through the windows. While he languorously stretched, he savored the memories of last night. He was completely amazed at how, even after all this time apart, he and Buffy had so effortlessly shared themselves entirely.
His eyes remained closed as he reached for her, soon finding her side of the bed empty and the sheets cold. In a panic Will’s eyes flew open, and he sat up abruptly, wildly searching for her.
Will wrestled his legs from the tangled linens, needing to continue his search beyond the confines of this clearly Buffy-less room. All the while he feared everything that happened last night was a dream or even worse, it wasn’t and Buffy had left.
Once freed, he stood and began rummaging through the clothing strewn across the floor in search of his jeans. During his search he came across a pair of tiny cotton knickers. His frantic exploration stopped when his hand brushed against the soft scrap of fabric. Expanding his focus, he noticed more of Buffy’s clothing haphazardly mixed with his. His mind was almost instantly put to rest.
Relax you git, there’s no way she would leave starkers. Mmmm…on that note, she can’t be wearing much since it all seems to be right here.
Will’s mind conjured up a scantly clad or better yet a nude Buffy somewhere in the house. He smirked, sliding on his jeans and heading off to search for his better half.
Will was met by soft music when he opened the bedroom door. Following the sound, he headed down the stairs, stopping halfway when a heavenly sight met him. Buffy, wearing only his crimson button-up shirt, hypnotically swaying her hips to Van Morrison’s bluesy voice caressing meaningful words, “She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love— She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love.”
She appeared almost surreal, like a siren calling men on the high seas toward the rocks. The mere sight of her mesmerized him. Her eyes remained closed as her body moved in time with the steady cadence of the music.
Her blonde hair was in wild disarray from hours of their lovemaking and flowed over her shoulders, some resting on the tops of her breasts with the remainder spilling down her back. Will’s gaze roamed over her appreciatively stopping at her most exquisite feature, the contented smile gracing her well-loved lips. He was broken from his poetic thoughts when he heard her voice clearly laced with humor, rising above the music.
“You know, it’s not polite to stare.”
Buffy’s body stilled and her eyes opened. Will resumed his descent and walked toward her. Standing within arm’s length he placed his palm gently to her cheek, his gaze meeting hers.
“Can’t help it, luv. You’re a vision, and I’m completely bewitched.”
Will tenderly slid his hand from her face and weaved his fingers into her hair. He gently urged her forward, placing a sweet, lingering kiss to her lips. This kiss was soft, yet passionate, as he poured all the love he had for her into this small, intimate act.
When they broke apart Will placed a single peck to the tip of her nose before murmuring, “Mmm…good morning.”
“Afternoon.” Buffy corrected him and smirked, glancing toward the clock. Will, seeing it was one o’clock, amended his earlier greeting.
“Huh, I guess so. Good afternoon then.” He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her forward, so he could pepper kisses along the column of her throat. Reaching the shell of her ear, he tugged on the lobe with his teeth causing Buffy to gasp in pleasure. His lips returned to her neck while questioning her between small kisses and nips.
“So, how long have you’ve been up, and more importantly, did you miss me while you were gone?”
She tilted her head, granting him further access, as she tenderly ran her fingers through his tousled locks, holding his talented mouth to her flesh.
“Mmm…not long and always.”
With a sound echoing from his throat resembling a growl, he tightened his grip and pulled her closer to his body, lifting her up slightly. Instinctually, she wrapped her legs around his slender waist. With her legs anchored around his midsection, he carefully walked them toward the closest surface and gently placed her on top.
Without hesitation he tasted the sweet skin of her collarbone while his fingers deftly slipped each button of her “borrowed” shirt from their holes. Will relished the new expanse of revealed skin with each one released.
Buffy shuddered; he believed in anticipation. When he reached the span of flesh between her breasts, he heard a strange sound, a combination of a growl and a gurgle, emanating from her stomach.
Stopping, Will’s gaze rose to notice Buffy’s wide eyes and her teeth sinking into her lower lip. The way her cheeks were slightly puffed out like a foraging chipmunk’s, she was clearly holding back her laughter. In turn, Will laughed out loud then gave her a parting kiss before re-buttoning her shirt.
“Sounds like my kitten needs to be fed. Let’s get some food in you, so your stomach can’t interrupt my sinister plans to seduce you again.”
“Ooo…I like seduction. However, right now food is of the good but coffee is of the better. No caffeine equals a very grumpy girl.”
Buffy placed a lingering kiss to his bare chest, a spot right above his heart. Will stepped aside allowing her room to slide off the countertop. Once she was down, he playfully swatted her butt before she headed over to the coffee maker.
She opened the cabinet and stood briefly on her tiptoes to reach the glass container holding what she was searching for. She removed the lid and lowered her nose, smiling when the heavenly scent of coffee wafted from the open jar. After setting up the machine, she carefully placed two measured scoops of fine, black powder into the filter before closing the small door and pressing start.
Will leaned against the counter, watching her intently. He always loved how she moved. She was like poetry in motion, and it had been far too long since his muse was graced by her presence.
When he moved out—hell, a year before that he’d missed their time together. He even missed something as basic as making coffee. However, seeing her there, moving around the kitchen wearing only his shirt really emphasized how much.
“I smell smoke. You’re thinking about something over there aren’t you?”
“Very funny, luv. Right comedian you are. Yes, if you must know, I was thinkin’. Thinkin’ about how much I truly missed you.”
Without another word Buffy’s eyes began tearing. Witnessing this, Will walked over to her and tenderly pulled her into his arms. While she nuzzled into his chest, he tenderly stroked her back in soothing circles.
“I missed you too, so much. It was dumb of me to think stupid pieces of paper would change how I feel about you.”
Will left a chaste kiss on top of her head before pulling back slightly. He placed his finger under her chin and gently tilted her face upward. Once their gazes met, and a soft smile came to his lips.
“Sweetheart, we’ve forgiven each other for our past misdeeds. This is a new start, no longer dwelling on the past, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Now, let’s get you well fed. There’s a lot of time to make up for.”
When Will playfully wagged his eyebrows and erotically tucked his tongue behind his front teeth, Buffy giggled before releasing him. She returned to the counter and pulled out two mugs from the above open cabinet.
She chose an ordinary mug for herself and Will’s favorite extra-large, double-handled, black mug with white lettering, “REAL MEN WEAR BLACK”, that she’d given him as a present for all those late nights when he was writing and needed a big caffeine fix.
Buffy turned and held up his mug. “Will, you want a cup?”
“Um…a cup…of coffee? Well, I…see…” Will eyed his mug and was frozen on the spot. The way he just stood there, he felt he’d resembled a deer caught in the headlights of a big eighteen-wheeler barreling down a country road.
“Look, Will, if you don’t want one just say so.”
“We’re being honest, right?” Despite his voice sounding confident, he knew his eyes told a different story. He was totally nerve-wracked.
“Yeah…” Buffy drew out her response, seeming almost hesitant to hear his reply.
Will knew getting out a difficult truth was like ripping off a band-aid. Doing it quickly was the best way. In a whirlwind of words, he gave her the reason. He strung them together so fast they resembled some made-up long jumbled word, like Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, instead of a handful of single ones.
“I really, really hate your coffee. It’s horrid, bordering on putrid. I only drank it to make you happy. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but—“
Will abruptly stopped his admission when he witnessed Buffy’s hands coming up to shield her face, and her body starting to faintly shake. He felt as if someone had reached in and twisted his heart into a dozen knots. He didn’t know what to say. He was worried that everything they had accomplished during their short time together had crumbled into a million pieces. Even worse, he had made her cry. With tentative steps he approached her.
“Luv, ‘m sorry. ‘M a bad, rude man, and I shouldn’t be so insensitive. You really shouldn’t listen to a bleedin’ word I say. Hell, I don’t even know why I bother talkin’ at all sometimes ‘cause it all leads to me apologizing for bein’ such a wanker and—“
Will laid his hand gently on her arm. Buffy dropped her hands and his heart lurched when he saw her tears. Then something unexpected happened, she burst out laughing. He stood watching her, completely gobsmacked. He insulted her and she was laughing.
After several moments he felt he should say something. However, it was as if her mirth was contagious and when he spoke, his words were laced with laughter.
“Buffy, you’re really a strange bird. Or maybe I missed somethin’. From the moment I met you, if you felt I stepped outta line, I received a severe tongue-lashing. And not in a good way, mind you.”
Her laughter began to wane into small bursts of giggles, while she wiped away the tears from underneath her eyes. Her gaze, which appeared to be filled with amusement, finally met his that was riddled with utter confusion.
“For such a smart guy you can be so dumb!” Toward the end of her remark her last word rushed out followed by another gush of giggles.
Will watched her, waiting for her to continue with whatever she was trying to say. Soon she appeared to collect herself and finding her voice, which was now level, her previous amusement gone.
“I thought you were going to tell me about another woman or worse, women. I can’t tell you how relieved I am that this is about coffee. Well, it’s just about the coffee, right? There aren’t going to be any Taxicab Confessions and—“
Will stepped forward and briefly placed his index finger to her lips, silencing her.
“No, no other women. Well, there was Mary and her five sisters…” Will held up his left hand and wiggled his fingers. After his show-n-tell, he loosely encircled the fingers around her wrist, “But, they were a pale substitute. Buffy, you’re the only woman ‘ve ever truly desired. Matter a fact…”
Will tugged her forward by her wrist and grasped her waist with the other hand, pulling her against him. Will’s mouth lowered to neck. While he tasted and savored her, Buffy’s head lolled to the side, granting him full access while her hands rested on his shoulders for balance.
“Mmm…Will, I know we agreed not to linger in the past, but since we’re being all honest and stuff, I have a small confession.”
Will reluctantly released her throat and trailed his kisses upward until he placed the last to her lips. He tried to keep his worries at bay, but he knew she could see the clear fear in his eyes. Like always, she knew.
“Will, no worries. It’s nothing like that, it’s just—” She took a deep breath before blurting out, “I purposefully gave you gross coffee.”
“When?”
Buffy pulled from his embrace and started slowly pacing. “Well, you remember the night we met, right?”
“How could I forget?”
“So, that means you remember what a jackass you were—“
“Oi! I wasn’t—“ Buffy raised her meticulously-shaped brow and with the look of “Oh, really?” Will promptly relented. “Fine, I was an arse, go on.”
“Do you remember the coffee I served you?” Buffy’s tone sounded less boasting and more shameful than when she called him an ass.
“Luv, that sludge was like The Blob. It attacked everything from my lips to my arse and every crevice in between. I swear, even after all this time, ‘m still passin’ it!”
“Ewww! Okay, visual, so not needed. Anyway, I purposefully gave it to you—“
“I knew that—“ Will tried to voice his understanding, but Buffy cut him off to finish her admission of guilt.
“That night and hundreds of times since.”
Will remained silent while he let her admission seep into his mind before he shouted, “For seven bloody years!”
His expression was of pure shock, and when he spoke his voice raised several decibels, which in turned caused Buffy to stop pacing, lowering her eyes toward her feet. Her gaze seemed fixed on her now pointed toes, which she dragged slowly in an arc across the kitchen tiles. She resembled a child who had been caught doing something really rotten and was now being scolded.
“Um…yeah?”
Even though her response was murmured, Will could clearly hear a hint of amusement. Finally, she looked up and tried to win him over with a bright, beaming smile. Even with this breathtaking ploy, Will kept his features set in a “You have some explaining to do.” look. Her smile turned into a slight pout.
“Well, at first I gave you bad coffee to pay you back for your rudeness. Then over the next month or so, I gave it to you trying to stop you from coming to the diner. But being stubborn like you are, that didn’t work. And I’m so glad it didn’t.”
Will felt himself bending somewhat to her charms. However, the niggling in the back of his mind as to why she kept giving him horrid coffee still plagued him.
“So am I. Now, keep goin’ with your confession.”
“Boy, you’re relentless.” This earned her his classic smirk; “Okay, so when we first started dating, it was kinda an inside running joke, with me and well, me. Every time I saw you drink it, you looked like you were going to hurl and…it was really funny. Well, it was back then. Not so much now.” Buffy lowered her head in what appeared to be guilt.
“Okay, you’ve covered our first few months together, but what about when we became serious.”
“Honestly?”
“The truth, the whole truth, and nothin’ but the truth, Buffy.”
Will could tell she was struggling with admitting why. He pushed aside his irritation and tried to convey with his eyes, the pure love he had for her. He hoped through this she would find the strength.
“I did it for reassurance.”
That wasn’t the answer he expected. As for the entire time she’d been here, her words and actions threw him for a loop. This time was no different.
“Reassurance?” Will echoed her response to confirm what he had heard.
“Yeah, at first when you’re with someone it’s all passionate—with non-stop laughter, sex all the time, and endless I-love-yous. Then reality hits you in the face, and all that harlequin novel stuff is pushed aside. The real life of paying bills, having no money, being tired all the time, and the fights—eats away at all the romance. So on the days I felt especially down, I would make you a really bad cup of coffee. Then when you drank every last drop without complaining, it showed me that you still accepted and loved me despite everything, flaws and all. Bad coffee was my way of knowing you still loved me with all your heart.”
Will could hear her voice cracking toward the end of her admission.
“Oh, Buffy.”
Within two strides Will stood before her and quickly pulled her into his embrace. Her head rested on his chest while she wrapped her arms tightly around his middle. Soon, he felt several small drops of wetness striking his bare skin. Will tenderly stroked her hair and whispered his love as he tried to bring her comfort.
Will couldn’t stop his mind from churning while she remained in his embrace. Everything she said made sense. Well, sense to a woman. Long ago, he’d resigned himself to the fact he would never truly understand a woman’s mind and its inner workings. However, even though she’d explained why, there was still one thing deeply bothering him.
“Buffy?”
With a few sniffles and a soft sigh, he heard her muffled, “Yeah?”
“The day you asked me to leave, it was right after brunch, was that—?“
“You ate everything I made, but you didn’t drink the coffee. You didn’t even touch it. I thought, especially with all the problems we had over the past year, you didn’t love me anymore. Looking back, I know I shouldn’t have let a cup of bad coffee be the determining factor to end our marriage. But at the time it was really all I had to hold on to.”
Will leaned back and tenderly cupped her chin with his hand. His heart broke seeing her beautiful green eyes heavy with tears. Tears that he’d put there.
“Sweetheart, neither you nor I can change the past. All we can do is learn from it and move forward, yeah?”
“Yeah, move forward.”
“So the first order of business in our new life is always being honest with one another. No more keepin’ emotions and thoughts under wraps or relying on vile cups of coffee to guess how the other one feels.”
His words triggered Buffy’s sweet smile. Will gently wiped away the stray tears before pressing several kisses to her lips. Soon their kiss deepened and their passion ignited once more. When they finally parted, they were both left panting.
“Will, you’re really making it difficult to choose between food and sex.”
“Why choose? We could reenact 9 ½ weeks, whatcha say?” Will murmured against her ear, teasing the lobe with playful nibbles.
“I’ve seen the contents of your fridge, and there is no way I’m letting you feed me what’s in there. Can I say, food poisoning, so not sexy.”
“I could feed you somethin’ else…” Will guided her hand to the unmistakable bulge in his jeans. Buffy cradled his cock and gave it a slight squeeze, eliciting a gasp from him and causing his eyes to close.
“Mmm…this is a seven course meal, and I’m starved,” Buffy cooed and taking advantage of his closed eyes, she rolled her tongue around one flattened nipple.
“Buffy, please…”
Will felt her releasing each place she touched and sensed her moving away. When he opened his eyes, he witnessed her standing several feet away in all her glory. Her eyes filled with lust, her tiny pink tongue enticingly running over her full lips, and her fingers toying with the few buttons holding her shirt together. Will stalked forward to claim his prize, but was met with her hands pressing against his chest, stopping him.
“Before I eat, there is something that needs to be done.”
She headed over to her purse lying on the floor near her boots. After a few moments with her back to him, she stood, turned, and he noticed she was holding papers. Not just any papers, their divorce papers.
She made her way toward him, holding the pages horizontally with her hands almost meeting in the middle. Without a word, she tore the pages in half, and handed him one side before turning and heading toward the waning fire. She ripped her pages in halves several more times and tossed them into the hearth. The dying flames consumed the pages, causing the edges to char and curl.
Will moved to stand next to Buffy and mirrored her actions as he fed his pages to the flames. While they watched the final part of their old life disappearing and turning to ash, Will slipped his hand into hers and interlaced their fingers. Each silently offered reassurance and strength to the other.
Will thought back to when this cathartic journey had begun. When he first saw her in the snow, he believed and feared this was the end. In a way, it was. However, now standing here after everything they had been through, and especially after facing their own personal demons, both separately and together, he knew they would be all right. They had finally found serenity in themselves and in one another’s love and solace in the fact that whatever may come, they could face it—together.
The End
Author’s Notes:
Crazy Love was written and sung by Van Morrison. The song is from the Moondance album. On a personal note, I absolutely love that album!
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious was from 1964 Disney musical film Mary Poppins.
Taxicab Confessions is a show on HBO where they have hidden cameras is a cab and the cabbie asks the passenger questions, usually sexual in nature. If you want to read more, look here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taxicab_Confessions
The Blob was a cheesy, horror B-movie that came out in 1958. It was remade in 1988! Still, just as cheesy! The Blob was “a giant amoeba-like alien that terrorizes the small community”, eating everything in it’s way. If you want to read more, look here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Blob
The line: “The truth, the whole truth, and nothin’ but the truth” is a portion of the swearing in oath (In the United States) used prior to a witness taking the stand to testify. The exact wording of the commitments vary from country to country.
9 ½ weeks was a movie from 1986 with Mickey Rourke (pre-scary face lift) and Kim Basinger. Long story short, Kim Basinger’s character was having a steamy affair with Mickey Rourke’s. There was one part where they are feeding each other food from the fridge and it gets pretty steamy. If you want to read more, look here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/9%C2%BD_Weeks
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Well, this is the end of my story. I would like to take a moment to thank all of you who've been following this story for the past eight months. I'm completely amazed from the response to this story. A big, big thanks to my lovely beta and amazing friend, Sanityfair. With her patience and guidance, I was able to give you a story worth reading.
Chapter End Notes:
I would like to thank you all again for coming on this cathartic journey with me. Please take a small moment to let me know your thoughts. A few minutes of your time, makes my whole day!!!!!!!