Sunday February 6, 2011
Buffy waved goodbye to Spike and walked up the stairs to her apartment shortly after twelve. On the ride over she’d realized that she’d never checked her phone the night before and had missed three calls from Angel. She knew he was probably worried, but wanted to shower before she called him.
She walked straight to the bathroom and stripped. She was standing under a stream of hot water when she finally let herself consider the evening before. She shouldn’t have stayed. It wasn’t the kind of thing an engaged woman did. She was going to have to tell Angel that she’d done it and then argue that it was no big deal, but she didn’t feel that in her gut. There had been a moment the night before when things had gotten awkward. She’d stood there wearing nothing but her underwear and his t-shirt and chatted like it was nothing, but there had been something. It was all on her side. She knew that. She’d always found him attractive and then Faith had planted the idea of their having sex in her head and she’d been wearing a shirt with his scent and she’d thought for just a moment about what it might be like. It wasn’t anything more than that, just a fleeting thought that he had a fascinating mouth and a wondering if that mouth would be hard or soft against hers. But that was enough to make her feel like the worst kind of person. He’d never done anything inappropriate. He treated her like a kid sister. She was the one with bad thoughts. Buffy groaned and poured shampoo into her hand. She scrubbed her scalp with punishing force. It had to be nerves. Already the wedding planning was stressing her out and she’d simply been a little drunk and had the reaction any healthy heterosexual woman would have to an unusually attractive man. It wasn’t that she would ever act on her thoughts. It was just curiosity. She was sure that it was normal for a woman who’d only been with one man to wonder what another man would be like. Still, she thought, she was going to have to be more careful. Buffy was going to have to start acting like a married lady, not a free-spirited college student. She vowed to do so and finished her shower.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Angel smiled as he pushed the call button.
“Hi.”
“Hello, princess.”
“What’s up?”
“I just wanted to remind you that you have lunch with my mother Friday.”
Buffy tried to muffle her groan. “She understands that I really can’t take a long lunch, right? I can probably swing an extra half an hour since the art teacher will cover, but no more than that.”
“I’m sure you two will work it out. She is really excited to introduce you to some of the other ladies on the committee.”
“Right. Why is that again?”
He laughed. “There’s a long tradition of Collins ladies as committee heads.”
“I don’t think I’m the country club type, Angel.”
“I know you think it’s all boring now, but they do a lot of good for the community.”
“They have all their meetings in the middle of the day. I’ll be at school.”
“You know you don’t have to keep working. I can take care of you and you can keep plenty busy with mom’s committee and other charity stuff.”
“Angel, I didn’t go to college to keep busy until I landed a husband. I like teaching. I’m not giving up my job just because we get married.”
He sighed. “I didn’t say you had to, or even that I wanted you to, I just said that you could.”
“Oh. Okay. I’m kind of busy. Talk to you later, okay?”
“Okay. I love you, Buffy.”
“I know. I love you too. I’ll talk to you soon.”
Angel was no longer smiling when she hung up. They hadn’t actually fought in months, but lately he felt like she wasn’t exactly talking to him either. He hoped it was just a case of pre-wedding nerves and decided to look into local spas as a surprise present.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Spike answered the phone with a surprised hello. “Buffy?” He’d barely talked to her since the party and was starting to think that he’d given himself away and that she was avoiding him.
“Hi. Please tell me a joke.”
“What’s going on?” He laughed at her odd tone.
“I am having a singularly unfunny day. I was hoping you could tell me something that doesn’t make me want to punch a hole in my bedroom wall.”
“What happened, love? Are you okay?”
“Yes, mostly. I had lunch with my future mother-in-law today. The woman is a demon; seriously she probably feeds on babies in an attempt to live forever.”
Spike chuckled. “That bad.”
“Worse. She told me today that she didn’t think Dawnie should be in the wedding because she is too unpredictable. In other words, she was embarrassed when her country club friends found out that Dawnie was involved in that protest.”
“Wow. I’m sorry, kitten.”
“That’s just the start of it. The woman actually suggested that I may want to enroll in etiquette classes before the wedding. I might kill her or myself. I’m definitely thinking there is going to be violence.”
“All right. That’s enough. Put on something pretty. I’ll come get you.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
Spike laughed. “I’m a firm believer in preventing violence whenever possible. You need to go out and have some fun. I’ll be there in…” He checked the clock and quickly decided to close the shop fifteen minutes early. “Forty-five minutes.”
“Really?” She couldn’t keep the hopeful note from creeping into her voice.
He laughed. “Definitely.”
He knocked on her door forty-two minutes later.
She pulled it open and flashed him a big smile. “Spike! Where are we going?”
“The way I see it, only one thing will cure the mood you’re in.”
“And what’s that?”
“Dancing .”
“You’re taking me dancing?”
“I’m taking to Lorne’s, I figure you’ll find plenty of pretty boys willing to twirl you around the dance floor there.”
He figured correctly. They’d been at Caritas for three and a half hours and Buffy had barely sat down. Spike had danced with her himself a couple of times, but mostly he’d left that to a handful of helpful gay men. He and Lorne sat at a small table by the bar and watched her dance with a small sandy-haired man named Andrew to Scissor Sisters’ “I Don’t Feel Like Dancin’”. Spike loved watching her dance. She looked absolutely happy, like nothing and no one could make her less than free. She also looked sexy, the way she moved her hips gave him far too many ideas to sit comfortably.
Lorne sighed and clapped him on the back. “You’re a glutton for punishment, aren’t you?”
“Apparently.”
It was almost one in the morning when he helped a rather tipsy Buffy into his car. He walked around and got in. “Buckle up, love.”
Buffy just stared at him for a moment. She smiled brilliantly before scooting across the seat and throwing her arms around his neck. “Thank you. I always have fun with you.” She laughed. “I have all of my fun with you.”
Before he had a chance to reply, she pressed her mouth to his and kissed him, hard. He reached his hand up to cup her head, but she’d already pulled away.
“Oh God!” Her hand was covering her mouth and she stared at him in shock and horror. “I’m so sorry. I have no idea what I was thinking. Oh my god!”
She looked like she was about to cry. Spike did the only thing he could think of. “Don’t worry, Buffy. Love, it was nothing. You just got caught up in the moment or something. Please don’t get upset.”
“But you must think I’m—”
“I think nothing bad. I promise. It was nothing…just a blip. Right?”
She nodded emphatically.
He ignored the searing pain her easy acceptance of his words caused. “Let’s get you home to bed.” He started the car and then took a quick glance in her direction. She was looking at her knees and wearing a miserable expression. He wanted to take it back, to tell her that of course her kissing him had meant something, but he couldn’t bring himself to hurt her. Maybe it really hadn’t meant anything to her. Maybe she was a little drunk and he was convenient.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Buffy watched her phone ring without answering it. Her mother was calling. She almost definitely wanted to talk about the wedding. Thinking about it made her cry. She’d been so irritated by everyone asking if she was sure that she wanted to get married, but now it felt like they all knew something that she didn’t. Buffy was sure that this was supposed to be the happiest time in her life. She was supposed to be thinking about dresses and flowers and music. She was supposed to be daydreaming about her happy ever after with Angel. Instead, she just wanted to hide. Angel had told her a few days earlier that she was acting strange, that sometimes lately she seemed like an entirely different person. She’d shrugged it off at the time. She’d thought that she was tired or stressed from the wedding planning. Now she thought he might have been right. A few years earlier marrying Angel and raising a family with him was everything she wanted. Now she found herself picturing the soon to come reality with increasing trepidation.
Angel said that his promotion meant that he’d be out of town less, but that didn’t seem to be the case to Buffy. She knew that he was still gone a few days a week because whenever he came back he had an entirely unpleasant task for her, like dinner with his boss and his boss’ snooty wife, lunch with his mother or a meeting at his church with people that looked at her like she was pond slime. She hated trying to impress people that she didn’t even like. She’d actually felt relieved when he’d told her that he was going to be gone all weekend.
Now the memory of that relief only made her feel guiltier. She’d kissed Spike. She’d kissed another man. Once during college, while she and Angel were having a particularly bad fight Buffy had gone on a couple of dates with a boy named Riley. He’d been sweet and considerate and, after their second date, they’d kissed for a few minutes. She’d felt nothing. It was one of the reasons she’d called Angel and given him another chance. Spike hadn’t kissed her back. The entire thing had only lasted for a second, but she’d felt something.
She wanted to deny it. She couldn’t.
Leaving her phone at home, Buffy drove to the small shop where Tara worked. It was a spontaneous decision. She really hadn’t spent any time with Tara alone, but she liked her and, more importantly, felt like Tara wouldn’t judge her for what she had to say.
She went in, said hi and pretended to browse the candles and herbal face creams for a few minutes.
“Buffy, is everything okay?”
“What? I mean, why do you think it wouldn’t be?”
Tara smiled gently. “You just seem like maybe you need to talk. I could call Willow. I think she was just running errands.”
“No. I mean—” She sighed. “I was sorta hoping to talk to you.”
Tara’s smile grew in surprise. “Really? I mean, of course.”
“I think I need a fresh perspective and you’re studying to be a therapist, right?”
Tara nodded. “Do you think you need a therapist?”
Buffy shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not really feeling like myself right now.”
“Come have a seat.” Tara walked them both over to a couple of chairs by the cash register. “I could make some tea if you’d like.”
“No. I’m good. I mean, I’m not—that’s the problem. I used to be good and now, I don’t think so.”
Tara frowned. “Why don’t you think you’re good?”
“Do you think it’s normal for a woman who is engaged to be married to find another man attractive?”
Tara laughed softly. “I don’t think that is very unusual. I’ve been confident about my orientation for years and even I can’t deny that the bad brother on The Vampire Diaries is a pretty man.”
Buffy laughed for a few seconds before shaking her head. “But it’s worse if it’s someone you know, right? I mean—not a celebrity or a fake vampire.”
Tara shrugged. “It seems more complicated. Is it just one person? I mean are you just worried that you still notice if a man is attractive or are you particularly attracted to one person?” Her eyes narrowed slightly as she waited for Buffy’s answer.
Buffy turned away. “I don’t know.”
“Well, if it’s just one person, then I guess the question would be whether or not you have feelings for that person.”
“But how could I have feelings for someone else? I mean I’m getting married in June.”
Tara sighed. “I don’t think the engagement ring is a lock on your heart, Buffy. I mean, I think you can have feelings for more than one person in your life. Most of us aren’t with the first person we ever loved, that doesn’t mean we don’t still have a softness in our heart for them. Love can change. I think it usually does.”
“So how do we ever know that we’re marrying the right person?”
“Buffy, do you want to spend the rest of your life with Angel?”
“Of course I do.”
“There’s no of course about it. You can’t get married because it’s expected…even if it’s just you that expects it.”
“I love him.”
Tara smiled. “Well that’s an important part.”
“Do you think that maybe my feelings, I mean could a person think that they are having feelings for someone else just because they are nervous about the wedding?”
“I think the more important question is: why is that person so nervous about the wedding?”
Buffy paled. “Oh.”
“Buffy, I don’t want you to think that some nerves aren’t normal. I think they are. It’s a big decision. But if you are thinking about someone else, if you’re thinking that maybe you’d rather spend your life with someone else, that seems important.”
Buffy nodded. “But if nothing would ever happen with the other person, if it was just this blip, then—”
“Is it Spike?”
Buffy’s eyes grew large. “Why do you think that?”
Tara smiled. “Just a hunch.”
“It’s just that we’ve been spending so much time together and we get to do fun stuff. I mean, of course I would have some sort of feelings, right?”
Tara’s eyes widened. “I think that is something you need to decide for yourself.”
Buffy hugged Tara and left soon after. When she got home she saw that Spike had called soon after her mother. She did not call him back.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Buffy glanced down the sidewalk anxiously. “Why don’t we go have lunch at that new Chinese place?”
Cordy frowned. “Why don’t you want to eat here? You loved that salad you had here last time.”
Buffy smiled and shrugged. “No reason. You’re right. This place is great. Let’s go in.” She quickly hurried through the door, leaving a confused Willow and Cordy to follow her in.
Willow stopped. “Hey. Is that Spike’s shop? I didn’t realize he was over here. We should go say hi.”
“He’s probably busy.” She shrugged and turned away. “Oh look! There’s a table over by the bakery counter.”
Cordy and Willow exchanged glances before following her. As they sat down, Cordy asked, “Are you and Spike fighting or have you simply gone insane?”
“What? Why would we be fighting?” She laughed. “That’s ridiculous. We just hung out last weekend. Yup. No fighting.”
“Uh huh.” Cordy nodded. “So you’ll be happy to know that he just walked in?”
Buffy turned immediately. “What?”
“Okay, seriously. What is going on with you?”
Buffy turned back when she realized that Cordy had been lying and frowned. “Nothing.”
“So where do you want to go look for bridesmaids’ dresses? There’s a cute boutique over on West Avenue.”
“Wherever you like is fine.”
“Have you decided on your colors yet?”
“I guess not. Maybe red or blue.”
Willow giggled. “You could move the wedding to July fourth and have both.”
“Move the wedding? You think I should…”
“It was a joke. You know because July…the fourth of July-red, white and blue.” Willow shrugged.
Buffy smiled and nodded. “Right. Sorry. I guess I’m a little distracted.”
“Oh, we are reading that loud and clear.” Cordy pointed out dryly.
Buffy was saved from having to respond by the appearance of a waitress. She ordered the same salad she’d had before to save herself the trouble of reading the menu and making an actual decision.
She was almost feeling relaxed when they left forty-five minutes later. Or at least she was until they walked out the door and saw Spike.
Willow called out his name immediately and Buffy followed her friends as they walked over to see him.
Spike was giving dog tied up outside his store a bowl of water. The girls gushed over the pup’s cuteness.
“Whose puppy?”
Spike laughed. “That’s the big question. He just wandered into the store about an hour ago. He’s a friendly little mite, but no tags.”
“Oh no!” Willow squatted low and ruffled the fur behind the small dog’s ears. “Are you lost, little guy? Who could lose such a cutie pie? Yes, you are a cutie pie, aren’t you?”
Buffy laughed as she also bent to pet the dog. “He is awfully cute.”
Spike nodded. “Yeah. I suppose he is. What are you ladies doing in my neighborhood?”
“Lunch.”
“We’re supposed to be looking at bridesmaids’ dresses.” Cordy added.
“Right.” Spike nodded. He glanced at Buffy but she was looking away. “Lots of wedding planning to do.” He was barely able to keep his frustration from his voice. He’d been almost certain that Buffy was starting to see that Angel wasn’t the one for her, but here she was dress-shopping with the girls. He stepped towards her and spoke quietly. “I called you a couple of times.”
Her eyes widened for a moment. “I’m sorry. I meant to call back. Things have been pretty busy.”
“Yeah.” He nodded. “That makes sense.” His head tilted to the side as he studied her for a moment. She wasn’t making eye contact. He felt like he’d lost her even though he’d never really had her.
[Reviews - 188]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | 
Chapter or Story
Has been viewed 3013 times
- Text Size +
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | Chapter or Story - Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:
I think this chapter will please a few people. I hope so. :) Thank you very much for reading and even more for leaving a quick comment.
Chapter End Notes:
Thoughts?