Monday, March 7, 2011
Spike had not had a good evening. He’d resisted the urge to drink himself silly, barely and mainly due to the hope that Buffy would call and want to talk to him. She hadn’t. Instead, he’d spent the evening feeling like the world’s biggest fool and playing sad songs for Doc.
He considered calling her when he woke up in the morning, but didn’t. She had his number and knew where he stood. The ball had to be in her court.
Spike called in a favor and had a friend watch the shop for the day. He was sitting on the couch half-watching a show in which contestants were apparently competing by cooking things on the engine blocks of cars, when he heard the knock at his door. He was off the couch in an instant and pulling the door open. “Buffy.”
“Can I just be here for a little while?” Her voice was hoarse.
He nodded. “Of course. Come in, pet.” He followed her to the couch and quickly muted the television. She looked awful, as at least as awful as Buffy could look. Her eyes were ringed with red and weighed down by heavy circles showing her lack of sleep. “Love, are you—”
She took off her jacket, laid it on the back of the couch and sat down wearily before looking up at him. “If you run into Angel….” She shook her head. “Don’t run into Angel.”
Spike nodded. “That’s fair.”
She nodded too. “He thinks I’ve been sleeping with you.”
Spike’s eyes widened. “That’s…fuck, I’ll talk to him, tell him it was all me and that you’d never.”
“He said he’d forgive me. That we could just forget it and move on. All I had to do was agree not to see you anymore and we’d get married like we were supposed to.” She shook her head as though the motion would stop the tears threatening to spill over her eyelids. “He cried.” She said the words as though they were both unbelievable and devastating, which of course was how she’d felt when it happened.
Spike sat down beside her but was careful to leave a few inches between them. “Are you here to tell me to stay away? Is it good bye then?”
She frowned. “I told him I couldn’t do that.”
“You left him.”
“I think he left me. Or maybe I made him leave me. I don’t know anymore. He was hurt when I said I wanted to wait, to postpone, but then when you…when I wouldn’t…I just couldn’t be the person he wanted me to be.” She shrugged. “It sounds so fast when I say it now. I don’t know why it took all night.”
Spike chest constricted at the thought of Buffy fighting and crying all night. “I’m so sorry, kitten. You can’t know how sorry I am.”
She shrugged. “Could I maybe just hide here for a little while? I haven’t really dealt with any of it-told people. I know I have to but…maybe I could do it later?” There were tears falling down her cheeks.
“Of course. Fuck. Of course you can, kitten. Are you hungry or how about I make you some tea?”
She nodded. “Tea sounds good. My throat hurts.”
He felt like a heel, her throat hurt because she’d been crying for hours. This was what he’d been wanting for months. He’d never truly considered her pain if it happened. “Right. Just sit right here and rest and I’ll be right back with some tea—put you to rights.”
When Spike returned several minutes later with a steaming cup of honey-sweetened tea he found Buffy curled in a ball and fast asleep on the couch. He put the tea on his rough wooden coffee table and went to the hall closet to get a blanket. After covering her, he went back to the kitchen to fetch his own cuppa, sat down on the other side of the couch and resumed his television watching with the closed captions on and the sound off.
She’d come to him. Finally, she’d come to him with the news of her break up, but the path wasn’t entirely clear. Spike still had no idea how she felt, if she’d come to see him because he was what she needed or because she simply needed a port in the storm. He couldn’t pretend that she didn’t look devastated by the break up.
She slept for nearly three hours, three hours of waiting and worrying for Spike. He smiled when he saw her stretching and moaning softly as she awoke. “Morning, pet.”
She sat up abruptly and surveyed her surroundings with wide eyes. “Oh!”
He chuckled softly. “You fell asleep. I figured you needed the rest.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You had a rough night.”
She nodded. “Yeah.” She saw the cup of tea on the table and reached for it.
“Oh. It’ll be cold now, love. I could fix you a new cup.”
She took a big gulp. “It’s fine, good, really.”
Spike looked skeptical but didn’t argue. He saw her eyes widened and a small smile form on her lips when Doc scampered into the room to investigate the new voice.
“You kept him.”
Spike shrugged. “I put up a couple of signs near the shop and checked with the vet but nobody claimed him. He’s a good dog.”
She nodded as she reached down to fluff the fur on Doc’s head and neck. “He’s adorable. Big feet though, he will be huge if he actually grows into them.”
“Yeah, the vet said the same thing. He’s eating like he plans to be big enough to take on Godzilla sometime soon.”
She laughed softly and Spike was glad. He studied her for a moment. “Was it my fault?” He didn’t mean to ask. It just happened.
She seemed surprised by the question. “I don’t know. Maybe—in a way, but not really.”
He swallowed, looked down at his knees and fiddled with a string hanging from the torn spot on his jeans. “Do you wish that I had stayed away from you?”
She was quiet for a few seconds. “How could I want that when I want you?”
He looked up at her, slowly smiling before ducking his head in an uncharacteristically shy gesture. “I didn’t know. I hoped but you never said…”
Buffy rose up onto her knees and scooted closer. She cupped his cheek in her hand and leaned in to place a very soft kiss on his mouth. She pulled back afterwards and gave him a little smile.
“Oh, kitten.” Spike surged forward and claimed her lips more fully. His tongue teased her bottom lip until she opened her mouth and he pressed inside, moaning the instant his tongue met hers. His hands grasped her head, pulling her closer as his fingers buried themselves in her hair. When he released her lips, he dropped his forehead against hers and whispered. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”
“How long?” She asked quietly as she brought her arms up to wrap around his neck.
“From the first, love. You threw me from the first moment I laid eyes on you.”
“That can’t be.”
“It’s the truth.”
“But you’re so pretty.”
He laughed. “Isn’t that my line? Shouldn’t I be telling you that you’re my gorgeous girl? You are now, right? You’re my kitten?” He didn’t wait for an answer and kissed her again instead. “You taste good, kitten.” She was blushing when he pulled away to see her face.
“It’s probably just the tea.”
He shook his head, never breaking eye contact. “No. It’s you.” He placed one finger on her bottom lip. “You’re sweet.”
Her eyes widened for a second before she pressed upwards for another deep kiss. She shivered as his fingertips, roughened from years of plucking guitar strings, slid down the back of her neck. “Oh!” She gasped slightly when he wrapped his hands firmly around her waist and tugged her onto his lap.
“You were too far away.”
She trembled, shocked by the surge of lust in her exhausted body. She was infinitely aware of his body beneath and against her own. Her fingers fluttered as she brought her hands to rest on his chest. “Not anymore.”
He nuzzled his nose below her ear. “I’d like to be even closer.”
The sudden desire made her almost dizzy; she swayed and felt his arms tighten around her. “Closer.” She repeated his word as she tried to swallow the implications.
Spike used two fingers to lift her chin so that he could see her eyes. “Buffy, I—”
He was interrupted by the shocking sound of her “Going to the Chapel” ringtone blaring loudly from the pocket of her jacket.
Her eyes widened at the reminder. “Oh. Oh god. I can’t be—” She stood up and stepped away quickly.
“Buffy, please. I know it’s been—”
“I can’t do this.”
“Pet.” He looked over at her jacket and groaned before thrusting his hand in the pocket and yanking the offensive song-playing device out. His finger slammed awkwardly against the ignore button. “Buffy.”
“I can’t do this.” She saw the pain filling his eyes and took a deep breath. “Yet. I can’t do this, yet. I…I haven’t even told anyone. I need to deal with it. I can’t be here kissing you while my mother is shopping for a gown to wear to my wedding. It’s…wrong. It feels…it makes this feel wrong. Please understand. I want to be able to kiss you without feeling like this.” She clapped a fisted hand against the knot in her stomach.
Spike sighed and leaned back on the couch. He studied her quietly.
“I need a little time.”
“How long?” He shook his head. “No, that’s…fuck…I want you so bad I can’t think straight.”
“Oh.” Her eyes widened.
“Of course you can have some time. You do what you have to do but don’t…”He stood up and walked over to her. “This isn’t wrong.” He reached over and brushed her hair behind her ear, rubbing his thumb over her cheek. “It’s bad timing. That’s it. Don’t say it’s wrong.”
She nodded. “I still have to leave.”
He leaned down and kissed her forehead. “Don’t take too long, okay? I’ll get impatient and come find you.”
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Buffy saw Spike’s name on her phone screen and smiled before accepting the call. “Hello.”
“You weren’t very clear on whether or not I was allowed to call.”
She laughed. “Of course you’re allowed to call.”
“I’ve been trying to give you space.”
“I’ve missed you. I wanted to call you but I wasn’t sure if it would make it worse.”
“Does it?”
“No. I mean it makes me think about how much I miss you, but I was doing that already.”
“You were?” She could hear his smile in his voice.
“Oh yeah.”
“Were you doing anything about it?”
She frowned. “I was thinking about calling you.”
“But that’s it? You weren’t going to do anything else? Nothing that might take the edge off of the missing?”
“What do you…Oh! Spike!” Her cheeks heated up as she realized what he was insinuating.
He laughed; the sound was hoarse and deep over the phone.
“You’re awful.”
“That’s right, kitten. I’m a bad, rude man. When can I see you?”
She giggled. “I don’t know. When do you want to see me?”
“I can be there in five minutes.”
She frowned. “Where are you?”
“Home.”
“You live fifteen minutes away.”
“I can make it in five.”
She laughed. “It’s late and I have to work in the morning. I took a couple days off last week and was not really myself the other days anyway. I need to get things back in order tomorrow.”
“But you’ve finished…cancelling—telling people—you’re done?”
“Nearly. Angel’s mother keeps calling to tell me what a wretch I am. She didn’t even want him to marry me. I mean she never liked me. But now she keeps calling to tell me how ungrateful I am and that they opened their family to me and I spit in the faces.”
“Don’t answer the phone. You don’t deserve that shit.”
“I do, a little bit I do.”
“No. You never did anything wrong, Buffy.”
“I kissed you.”
He sighed. “Once, for a second—less than a second, and that was my fault.”
She laughed. “It’s sweet of you to say so, but it wasn’t. I kissed you because I wanted to. I mean it wasn’t something I had really admitted to myself that I wanted, but I did. I wanted to.”
“It doesn’t mean you deserve this.”
“I hurt someone who didn’t deserve to get hurt.”
“Do you think you would have been happy if you’d gotten married? Do you think you would have both been happy? Or even just Angel, would he have been happy if you weren’t?”
“No, maybe for a little while, but no. We wanted different things.”
“Can I see you tomorrow? I’ll close the shop early come by as soon as you’re out of school.”
“I have a staff training tomorrow night. We need to update our first aid certifications—it could run late and then I have some catch up work to do.”
“Pet? Do you want to see me?”
“I think I need a couple more days. I want us to have a fresh start, no—none of this mess clouding it up.”
“Okay. How about Friday? We can have a real date. Our first. Put on something pretty and I’ll pick you up at seven. What do you think?”
She grinned. “That sounds perfect.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I am dreadfully behind on responding to comments. I am so sorry. I will be answering as many as I can this evening. It has been a crazy week. I want to get this chapter up so that people aren't waiting any longer. Thank you all for the support. You rock.
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