1. Ask

Her expression is somewhere between amusement and disgust. “Is this a date?”

I stumble through a response, talking too much and coming on too strong in an attempt to counter her exclamations and arguments, knowing I’m putting myself at risk of catching a boot in my teeth. Finally, I manage to steer us into the heart of the matter.

“Something's happening to me. I can't stop thinking about you. And if that means turning my back on the whole evil thing…”

“You don't know what you mean! You don't know what feelings are!”

“Because I don’t have a soul?”

“Obviously!”

2. Consider

Just sitting up to talk to her is agonizing. I’d think only being able to see out of one eye would wreck my depth perception, but it feels like the opposite. I’m seeing more in that robot than I should, but I can’t focus enough to put my finger on it.

And then she kisses me. 

Buffy.

She confirms I’m not getting the robot back, but I suddenly want it much less. 

“That thing wasn't even real. What you did, for me, for Dawn ... that was real.”

“Even without a soul?”

She considers that idea, frowning. “I… I think so.”

3. Withdraw

I need to say it. I can’t hold it back any longer.

“I know you'll never love me. I know that I'm a monster. But you treat me like a man. And that's--”

I’m stopped by the look in her eyes as she turns back to face me.

This isn’t the time for this conversation, and we both know it. So I wave her onward. “Get your stuff, I'll be here.”

The stare seems to soften. “I know,” she whispers before heading up.

I think she means it. And I’d love for her to elaborate. But not tonight. Maybe later.

4. Ponder

I wince when it dawns on me where she’s going with her explanation. Don’t say it, love. Make it not be true. …And she’s saying it. Damn.

“...I think I was in heaven.”

She goes on, detailing her pain, and I don’t have words to comfort her. All I can do is look at her in stunned silence until she pauses and glances over at me.

“I guess you wouldn’t know. I mean, a piece of you must be there, but…”

“Not a piece I’ve missed much, to tell you the truth.”

She looks thoughtful. And slightly amused. “I noticed.”

5. Deprioritize

“Ask questions, throw punches… It's fun, too.”

Her words are slurring. “S’not my kind of fun.”

“Yeah. It is. And your life's gonna get a lot less confusing when you figure that out.”

She cracks a joke and fumbles with the flask while she considers that thought. 

So I push on. “You're not a schoolgirl. Or a shopgirl. You're a creature of the darkness. Like me.”

“Yeah, but… Blegh! …Not totally. It’s life, you know? It’s not that simple, light or dark. I’m not all one thing, and neither are you.”

“Soulless demon. Remember?”

She waves that idea away. “Pfft!”

6. Reconsider

“We kissed, you and me. … What was that, Buffy?”

She looks away. “A spell?”

“You can’t brush this off like it’s nothing.” I stare at her until she meets my eyes. “Unless you think it’s alright to lead on fellows who don’t meet certain standards?”

She’s catching my meaning. “That has nothing to do with it.”

“So it’s just me, then. Thanks for that.”

“Is there any way I can get out of this conversation without being the bad guy?”

She tackles me to the ground, just in time for a stake to fly over us.

“Well, that helps.”

7. Debate

She taunts me as I climb to my feet. “Poor Spikey. Can't be a human or a demon. Where the hell do you fit in?”

“Same place you do, pet. Somewhere in between. Not all one thing or another.”

My next swing misses. Hers doesn’t. She got into a sulk when I first told her she couldn’t set off the chip. But now she’s breathless, sweating, and trying to hide a smile. She looks alive.

“Your job is to kill the slayer. But all you can do is follow me around making moon eyes.”

“Because I'm in love with you.”

8. Discuss

She laughs. “So which one of us is more screwed up?”

We trade a few more blows before I find my opening. I grab her, pulling her close. “Likely the one who feels like this needs an excuse to happen, the one afraid to give it a chance.”

“I don’t need an excuse to give anyone a chance.”

I raise an eyebrow. “That so? Even someone who doesn’t fit in?”

“Even.” She glares at me. “And for the record, I’m not afraid.”

“Yeah? Prove it.”

I’m suddenly pinned between her and the wall. And she’s proving to be truly fearless.

9. Acquiesce

She’s rushing around in the rubble, piecing together her outfit and rebuffing every argument to make her stay.

“Not gonna happen. Last night was the end of this.”

I grab my jeans, suddenly feeling exposed. “So that’s your game, is it? Say the right words to scratch your itch, then scurry off?”

Her eyes widen, and she looks like she might cry. “No! I meant it! It’s just… I can’t. Everyone else won’t see it how I do and… What would they think of me?”

“Here’s a thought: Who fucking cares?”

“It’s supposed to matter, Spike.”

“What if it doesn’t?”

10. Decide

I answer her knock on the crypt door, but say nothing.

“They were the right words because I meant them,” she says. “You not having your soul doesn’t matter. That’s the thing we’re always dancing around, right?”

“Yeah,” I whisper through my shock.

“You’ve proven over and over that your love doesn’t require it.” She bites her lip. “But that doesn’t mean the other night should’ve happened.”

I start to close the door, but her hand stops me.

“We were wrong to start that way, Spike.”

“Where’re you going with this, love?”

“To the Bronze. With you. Like… a date?”