Disclaimer and Notes: see Prologue
Spike’s brain
by Belladonna
~Chapter 6~
Spikey X
(music featured in this chapter is The Offspring’s ‘Pretty fly for a white guy’, lyrics are by me)
From where it previously had been pretty dark, that now had changed into being kind of much brighter at the moment. But as for where he remained, unfortunately still had stayed the same.
It was definitely time to do something about that too. Otherwise he sure as hell would be going crazy soon or these Nerdy Ones would be coming back for him and take him wherever they had taken his body already.
On the other hand, he then might stand the chance to get reunited with his body after all. And right now he really wanted to know what said body happened to be doing.
***
Silence had descended upon the assembled Scoobies. Meanwhile as for the rest of the crowd inside the Bronze, or at least the female half, all hell had broken loose. Dozens of girls were swarming around the mysterious dancer who had turned out to be Spike. Spike for god’s sake! And they didn’t even know that he could move that way!
As said, all these girls were practically throwing themselves onto Spike, trying their best to make a move on him and of course it was understandable since he was a rather attractive guy, not to mention downright sexy with his trained and well-muscled abs that was showing nicely through the tight shirt he wore. All these girls were drooling at him, just like Buffy and the other female Scoobies had done before and even Xander had looked at him in a different way, at least until he knew that it was in fact Spike who was doing the dancing part.
But it seemed that Spike had absolutely no eyes for them at all for his were glued onto one single person only. And that person felt her knees become all wobbly and turn into jell-o. It was like the ocean parting and the rest of the girls in the Bronze doing the actual parting. They must have sensed something like they always do and now shot daggers at this one girl that handsome guy was heading towards.
For Xander it was like this perfect movie moment and he was pretty sure that it was for the others too. With the music once again starting to play there yet was an eerie silence that swirled around him. And it must be the light doing tricks on him since there seemed to be spots dancing in the air. Spike had thrown his sticks away that he had been dancing with and made his way towards Buffy, she magically being drawn towards him. Yes, it was the perfect movie moment with all the slow motion going on and that, except that it had Spike in it and to top that he was there not alone but together with Buffy!
Buffy seemed to be transfixed only onto Spike, she simply couldn’t take her eyes off him no matter how much she tried to. And maybe she didn’t try that hard since she caught herself not wanting to do so.
It was like in slow-motion as Spike walked towards her and then she knew nothing more but his lips pressing gently but still urging with clear need onto hers, his tongue inside her mouth and his arms around her, bending her so that he now towered above her, still kissing Buffy deeply.
Buffy was completely taken by surprise there but she sure as hell didn’t mind. In fact, she quite enjoyed everything and wanted it to last so she slung her own arms tightly around Spike, clinging onto him and going with the motions, returning his kiss.
Of course she was unaware of the fact that everybody in the club, and that also included her assembled friends, were watching her right now. And of course where the female half of the bystanders were still shooting daggers at her and the male half were glaring jealously at the female half, the Scoobies’ jaws hat once more assumed their by now familiar places on the floor.
Their kiss lasted for like an eternity, time had stopped and the angels in heaven were almost singing. But it had to stop eventually. And when it did it wasn’t just because Buffy needed to breathe sometime. It was also, because everybody had started cheering and clapping loudly, well except for the Scoobies who were still in shock. That meant all but Anya, who was probably the only one of them smiling appreciatively at the couple.
“About time they did that. I bet they’ll be giving each other lots of orgasms.”
***
From the balcony in the Bronze, three figures had joined the cheering crowd with clapping like mad.
“Wow; that was awesome!” Jonathan said with undisguised admiration for their leader. Andrew stopped cheering and whistling loudly for a second and joined his fellow Nerdian’s declaration.
“Yeah, I mean simply great, true masterpiece of art!” Andrew praised, smiling dopily. “That was like in that one episode on Star Trek where this guy puts the whammy on Kirk and Spock and controls their mind to force them do whatever he wants to and…”
“Exactly.” Warren grinned and was rubbing his hands together. “Only what we can do is so much better since we don’t have to be that close so Buffy will notice us. We can control Spike from wherever we want to and make him do whatever we want him to do. Plus we can hide a camera on him and have us a really great movie night. What do you say?”
“Ooh, goodie!” Jonathan and Andrew said unison. “This is so great, you definitely are a genius, Warren.”
Warren was severely pleased; he never tired of hearing them say that about him, praising him like they should do. Since it was true after all, he was a genius and they better not forget that.
“But what about our plan to kill the Slayer?” Andrew asked him. Jonathan’s head whipped around.
“What about killing?” He screamed nearly hysterically. “There was no mention of killing her at any point. We never talked about killing her!!”
“Relax and keep your panties dry.” Warren told him, mentally sending lots of colourful synonyms for the word idiot into Jonathan’s direction and Andrew’s also, since that boy had started it. “It was always about killing the Slayer, why else would we be doing all this stuff, hm?!”
“But we never talked about actually killing her!” Jonathan repeated, gesturing wildly. “We already have blood on our hands and I still think we should be going to the police because of that…”
“Calm down, will you?” Warren cut him off sharply. “Katrina’s death was an accident, alright! And it can’t be helped, she is dead and we didn’t mean it, but now we have to go on, okay?”
“Alright, but why do we want to kill Buffy now? I don’t want to kill Buffy, she saved my life!” Jonathan insisted, all fun from previously suddenly gone.
“We don’t want to kill the Slayer.” Warren explained impatiently. He rather wanted to watch the others reaction to the situation, especially from the Slayer’s friends than to go over the plan once more. “We never planned to kill her; well actually we did, but it was not in the killing kind of way.”
“Huh?”
“You can kill a person in different ways and not all of them require the death of that person.” Warren said lecturing, turning around to watch the dance floor and more specifically the Slayer and her friends. A broad smile had crept upon his face; he truly was very pleased with what he had accomplished so far. “Sometimes, it just needs some public humiliation in front of her friends to achieve that also.”
***
He had to get out of there. Of that he was pretty sure, he just wasn’t as sure about the little part of how he would accomplish that.
But contrary to his previous musings he now had an idea.
The Slayer would help him, she had to.
Only he had to get somehow to her and that was a small matter to which solution he frantically worked his brains out. And he had exactly the necessary tool for it.
***
“Are you crazy, Buffy!!” After seeing this, Xander nearly threw a fit. But of course he knew exactly who to blame. “This is all your fault, Willow! What kind of weirdo spell did you do now!!”
Xander was furious, gesturing wildly he got his sane mind back first and pulled Buffy away from Spike’s embrace, shoving the vampire towards the cheering crowd in the process. Buffy still had this dreamy look on her face from the kiss, especially in her eyes and Xander didn’t like that at all. This was just not normal!
“I didn’t do anything!” Willow defended herself. “I-I’m clean of magic for some time now. Why does everybody always think that it was me doing a spell and that naturally it would’ve gone wrong?!”
All eyes glared towards her, for here no answer was really needed.
“You are all so mean to me.” Willow pouted and crossed her hands in front of her chest. “It’s not like I would do a spell to make them love each other…oh…but I didn’t do it this time, really.”
“Buffy, snap out of it, this is not real.” Xander tried to reach the girl who still glanced dreamily towards Spike. The vampire just stood there, watching them but remaining silent. Xander had expected some cocky remark from him, gloating with what he had done but he was disappointed in that department. “What is it with you and vampires, especially the evil dead here? And here I had so hoped to never repeat this traumatizing experience ever again.”
“Maybe we should slap her this time.” Anya suggested helpfully but was ignored.
“I don’t think that she’s gone crazy.” Tara interjected. “Wait, that wasn’t a good choice of words. I mean that I don’t think that it is so unimaginable. It did look sweet though.”
“WHAT?! Is this crazy image of thinking Buffy and Spike together kinda contagious?” Xander backed away from them, horrified that he might be the next one.
***
A familiar looking black car stopped in front of one house on Revello Drive. But there was no driver visible inside. Well, it couldn’t have been since the windows were painted over. But also nobody stepped out of it.
Dawn was looking out the window. She had heard a car approaching and she knew that sound. Happily she had gotten up from the couch and jumped over to the window. The teen then was a little bit disappointed though, because she could see his car alright but he would not come out of it. She had thought that he would try to make up for the missed history lesson earlier but that apparently also was not the case. Suppressing a pout, since it would be useless anyway with no one to see it, she walked back to the couch and flopped down on it. On her knees she had some glossy girly magazine she was looking through and in the background one of these night time television shows was running.
Dawn was not only mad at Spike for obviously forgetting their teaching lesson that afternoon, by the way where the hell could he have gone during broad daylight, but also at the other Scoobies for once again not taking her with them. Granted she still was a teenager and shouldn’t be going out late at night, especially not to the Bronze and on a school night on top of that, but that had been a disguised Scooby meeting and she still felt left out by them. Now she started pouting, no longer caring whether it would have an effect or not. It was about time that they saw her as a member of the Scoobies and not just the appendix of Buffy or something like that.
On the television the channel suddenly changed and one of these rock bands started to play. Only that it wasn’t them on the screen but instead a very familiar face. And the music continued to play.
***
How ya doin’ Spikey? A-ha, a-ha!
How ya doin’ Spikey? A-ha, a-ha!
How ya doin’ Spikey? A-ha, a-ha!
And all the Slayers say I’m pretty hot for a dead guy.
On the screen three lovely ladies began to sway to the music, three that looked absolutely identical to each other for each were wearing not only Buffy’s body but also her face. To barely cover their bodies they had gold coloured bikinis and all of them had put on smiles that would’ve made the late Buffybot pretty jealous. Flashy light and sound effects went along with the design of the three Buffy’s dancing. But of course there still was Spike who had yet to make his visual entrance.
The Slayer’s had her fair share of vampires in the past
Now most of them are dust now, ‘cuz none of them did last
All the others had been losers, they didn’t stand a chance
But I’m around for what now? For four bloody long years!
There was it, this familiar deep voice that usually made Buffy melt when she heard it. Sadly she wasn’t here to hear it. On screen the image of Spike was just dancing with the three Buffy’s; going along the motions and he knew exactly how to move. The scenery was a hot summer day at the beach, for a moment ignoring that Spike as a vampire couldn’t go out actually during the period of the day when the sun was standing way too high upon the sky; and Spike was there, bathed in sunlight with his three Buffy’s who were at the moment swirling around him, nearly melting into on with their movements.. And they were dancing very close now, Spike grabbing one Buffy and pulling her tight, almost kissing her before he went for the next one; the remaining two continuing their gyrating movements of their hips, shaking their whole bodies.
In the Summers’ living room Dawn dropped her magazine, her jaw nearly fallen to the floor. Out of wide eyes she watched the whole thing unfold, unable to say a single word.
There’s no debate, let’s get this out straight
You know you really couldn’t stake me anyway
Come on admit it now, I’m cute somehow
You know it too, you know it too
All previous anger forgotten, Dawn continued staring transfixed towards the small television screen and the image of Spike together with her older sister in rather compromising positions that managed barely to stay under R rating.
Just say “Spikey dear” and I’ll shift into gear
I’ll give you lots of fun if you’ll just allow for yourself some
I’ll grab my personal Slayer and
Hey, hey doing my vampire thing
The video Spike still was doing his dancing thing with the three Buffy’s, wearing a way cool grey suit and his hair not gelled flat to the head like he used to but more curly. His deep blue eyes were sparkling with life and energy, so clearly full of love for her sister that no one would now be able to deny it or speak of it as an unhealthy obsession. Even Dawn had to admit that he indeed did look really sexy right then. If only she’d been a bit older and he not so much into her sister…She’d have to lock away her diary from now on so that Buffy would never find it to read in it. This definitely was much, much better than Bronzing with the others. But as to what exactly was happening or she was watching she had no clue at all.
How ya doin’ Spikey? A-ha, a-ha!
How ya doin’ Spikey? A-ha, a-ha!
How ya doin’ Spikey? A-ha, a-ha!
And all the Slayers say I’m pretty hot for a dead guy.
***
Buffy and the others chose that moment to walk up the entrance way towards the house. It rather was that Xander, taking charge, had decided to get her home before something else would happen between her and Spike. The vampire suddenly had vanished from the Bronze before Xander could do something life-threateningly to him for which Buffy was extremely grateful. The better part of the last half hour she had been trying to convince her friends that she neither was possessed not under any other magickal influence at all during kissing Spike. Well, technically he had kissed her first, but then she had to admit that she’d not only returned it but also enjoyed.
“Hey, what’s the evil undead’s car doing here?” Xander asked curiously, still fuming about what he had sworn to never have to witness again. At least they had been just kissing. “He’s about to get his butt kicked for good this time!”
“Maybe you are acting a bit too harsh on him.” Willow interjected and got cut off by a dirty look of Xander immediately.
“But violence won’t achieve anything.” Tara tried to play the emissary of peace. “You shouldn’t be so mad at him, he does love Buffy truly.”
“Besides, this is Spike we are talking about. He probably likes it.” Anya quipped up, much to her fiancé’s dismay.
“Can I say, gross!!” Xander made a really disgusted face. “This is disgusting!”
“But I thought you liked Spike.” Anya said confused. “I thought he was so well muscled and compact and all that. That’s what you said, remember? Also I thought you wanted to make him your best-man for the wedding because he is your best friend.”
“Ahn, that was something I told you in private and is not to be discussed here.” Xander hissed, clearly embarrassed. “I never said he was my best friend.”
“Well, then I must have mistaken that but why do you spend so much time with him if you don’t like him at all?” Anya now was completely confused. “Don’t humans usually only do that with people they like?”
“Yes, Xander, tell us about how much you hate Spike again.” Buffy now spoke and Willow and Tara joined in.
“Ah, we are here, home sweet home.” Xander tried to change the subject. “Let’s get inside and give Dawnie some company won’t we.”
“Yes and then we can continue our discussion about Spike, seeing as he will be in there, too.” Anya quipped up.
“Thank you so much for bringing it up once again.” Xander groaned. He so wanted not to witness a repeat of what had happened in the Bronze tonight.
“You’re welcome.” Anya beamed and the other girls giggled.
When they entered the room, they weren’t greeted like usual by a jumpy Dawn who wanted to know everything about the meeting and the other stuff but more by blaring music from the living room. And Spike’s voice.
I have this way cool coat there, that’s a really hot piece
That hadn’t been a bargain, had been honest work of steal
My hear is a bleached blond and all without a mirror, wow
If you ask now how I do it, I can’t really tell you how.
***
Somewhere in a basement in Sunnydale, the VCR was running to tape that Star Trek marathon on the Sci-Fi channel when the program had been unnoticed interrupted.
***
In the living rooms all over the country confused people were furiously hitting their remotes in desperately trying to get their programs back.
***
In a hotel in Los Angeles a girl was humming silently along with the music. Fred had been assigned to research, also to baby-sit Connor and the small television monitor in the hotel lobby was the exact right thing to accompany her while doing it. She always had enjoyed music, especially when she was studying. It did relax her and made her work more efficiently and since she had been spending an awful long time in a demon dimension where there existed no music at all, Fred now enjoyed every single minute of having actual music, not just the one inside her head. Also that guy on the screen looked really hot with his bleached blond curly hair, these intense blue eyes and the elegant and stylish beige suit, no shirt underneath. Fred felt her knees turn into jelly and she put her book aside to only watch the man on the screen, dancing even closer now with these three blond girls whose extremely short skirts revealed more than they actually covered. She was so caught in the music video that she didn’t notice the rest of the crew of Angel Investigations return from their recent demon hunt.
“And once again the fearless Fang Gang has won another glorious victory!” Wesley announced very un-Wesley like. They all were covered with some slime apparently from the demon they had been fighting but for now they were smiling.
“Hey, Fred, how’s everything going?” Gunn asked the girl who hadn’t turned her glance away from the television monitor. “This screams for a victory party, what do you guys think?”
“Definitely!” Cordelia agreed but the same time was wiping rather uselessly with some cloth at her mostly ruined clothing. “Damn, this was a new outfit.”
“You should try not rubbing it into your clothes, once it’s dried, you can peel it off.” Angel told her, putting the battle axe into a weapons chest with the other weapons. “How’s my little one?”
“Oh, he’s been a good boy, sleeping now.” Fred told him, never taking her eyes off the screen. Angel walked over to the crib where his son was sleeping soundly. The little baby boy looked so peaceful and Angel still marvelled the wonder that was the existence of the child; Angel himself felt at peace at this sight.
He had yet to see the television display that Fred was so engrossed in.
“What’cha been up to?” Cordelia asked the Texan girl. She actually was a bit curious as to why she was watching rather television than looking at them; she never missed the chance to smile at the three men once they had returned. Maybe she had a crush on all of them, Cordelia mused. “And who’s the hottie on the screen that managed to keep your attention from the oh-so sexy slime covered Gunn and Wesley.”
Gunn and Wesley were moving towards the stairs to change and Angel was gently caressing his son’s cheek when Cordelia got her first good view at the television screen.
“Oh my god!”
There’s no debate, let’s get this out straight
You know you really couldn’t stake me anyway
Come on admit it now, I’m cute somehow
You know it too, you know it too
Just say “Spikey dear” and I’ll shift into gear
I’ll give you lots of fun if you’ll just allow for yourself some
I’ll grab my personal Slayer and
Hey, hey doing my vampire thing
Cordelia’s shrill cry of surprise caused the others to turn around immediately and they hurried towards the television. On the small screen the blond guy was once again grabbing the blond girl in a tight embrace, this time kissing her deeply while she was hugging herself towards his body, his hands on her hips and moving further down to her milky thighs. In the background the lights changed from flashy green over icy blue to seductive red, bathing the two obviously lovers in its glow.
“What in heaven’s name is that?” Wesley asked stunned, having recognized the girl in the video immediately.
“Hot chick.” Gunn commented matter of factly, being with Fred the only one who actually knew neither the girl nor the singer. “But why is she clinging to that vampire?”
A really loud growl behind them made all four nearly jump in surprise. Immediately afterwards the little boy in the crib started to cry. Angel also had walked into the view of the television screen. Something about the voice of the singer had seemed scarily familiar and the name had made him being dead sure about who the performer was. Then he still hadn’t seen the girl who was there with him, or rather quite on him.
But what he now was seeing there caused his heart to stand still. Technically it did that always, but would it have beat, it would’ve certainly done that. Where Wesley only had recognized the girl in the video, wearing nothing but an extremely short and tight skirt and was still clinging to the vampire, both Cordelia and Angel had recognized said vampire also. And the way he was touching Buffy there on the screen made Angel roar with fury.
“I’m gonna kill him!”
***
“I’m gonna kill him!” Xander declared furiously. Willow and Tara just stood there in shock while Buffy looked terribly embarrassed and completely stunned. How the hell did he manage to pull that trick off?
“That looks so hot, why aren’t we doing that, Xander?” Anya asked bluntly.
“Uh, hi Buffy!” Dawn greeted her sister. “Hey, guys. Did you know that Spike’s on TV?”
Now I’ve started poetry again and singing songs on stage
I used to be quite bad then, that’s what they have always said
But now I do it without a shirt on, yeah pet, that’s a real must see
The Slayer starts to swoon at this, who cares ‘bout once bloody awful poetry?
The image on the screen had once again changed into Spike wearing really tight leather pants and no shirt, his muscled chest covered only with the dancing light and of course Buffy. The Slayer was running her hands down Spike’s naked chest, wiggling her back against him when she turned around and guided his hands down her hips. They now were moving in perfect synchronicity, the light still playing above them and way hot sexual tension coming off in huge waves from them.
“I see it and I don’t believe it.” Buffy managed to say. Willow just nodded, still speechless. Tara only smiled inwardly, thinking that it was something they both had done together. She had no idea that Buffy didn’t just fake her being completely stunned at this.
“He really is well-muscled. Plus, he looks well equipped to satisfy you, Buffy.” Anya stated in her usual tactless honesty.
“This isn’t real, this isn’t real, this can’t be real.” Xander started to repeat over and over again. And he so had wanted to never see Buffy kissing Spike again. He had seen it more than he’d wished for, and it kept repeating itself always so that he would witness it. Someone up there really must hate him.
How ya doin’ Spikey? A-ha, a-ha!
How ya doin’ Spikey? A-ha, a-ha!
How ya doin’ Spikey? A-ha, a-ha!
And all the Slayers say I’m pretty hot for a dead guy.
On the screen, once again the three Buffy’s danced in their bikinis, their skin coloured in a summer bronze tone and their hair falling loosely over their shoulders. Spike danced in front of them, moving his body and seemingly looking directly into the eyes of Buffy, the one who was standing frozen in front the screen. He went on to the last chorus.
There’s no debate, let’s get this out straight
You know you really couldn’t stake me anyway
Come on admit it now, I’m cute somehow
You know it too, you know it too
The Spike on the screen grabbed one of the Buffy’s, enveloping her in a tight embrace and an even tighter kiss, the lights in the background flickering and flashing.
Just say “Spikey dear” and I’ll shift into gear
I’ll give you lots of fun if you’ll just allow for yourself some
I’ll grab my personal Slayer
My very own personal Slayer
And hey, hey doing my vampire thing!
There now was a close-up of him, in full game-face which he had let wash over his handsome human features during the last verse, while one of the Buffy’s had her arms around him and the other two were kneeling to his sides, looking adoringly up to him with their hands on his thighs.
***
“Have you seen that?”
Somewhere else in another basement, two guys were sitting in front of the telly to watch some 80’s show when the program had been interrupted. Billy, one of them was grabbing a bowl full of popcorn and munched on them happily. That interruption had made them miss their show but the bikini clad girls had been worth it, forgetting for a moment that it had been always the same one.
“Cool video, dude.” Lenny told him, reading the title and performer. “Spikey X feat. The Slayer; ‘Pretty hot for a dead guy’. I wonder when that song’s gonna come out. I hope they’ll put the video on to the release, too.”
“Yeah, but have you seen the guy?” Billy asked, still being on a sugar high and one that came not from the huge amount of sweets he had devoured but more from some scenes on screen. “I mean have you seen that face? Way cool.”
“Yes, fascinating.” Lenny answered with a raised eyebrow. “I wonder how they did that though, it didn’t look like a mask.”
“Maybe he got his head caught in a rice-picker, too?” Billy smiled innocently towards his friend. Lenny shot him a dirty look.
***
“Didn’t know that you had it in you.” Dawn grinned broadly at her older sister. “Why didn’t you tell me about this?”
“Yeah, why didn’t you tell us, Buffy?” Willow asked her, eying her friend carefully and for a moment forgetting the fact that they had just watched Buffy dancing in a way too close for comfort kind of way with Spike, invading each other’s personal space too often.. Buffy felt rather uncomfortable under their glances.
“What do you mean? I had no idea of this, really.” She stammered. “I swear I had no idea of this or how he made that. But I’m gonna so kick his butt if I find out, though.”
“Yeah, where is he, Dawn?” Xander asked the teen, growling slightly. Only his self control enabled him to not loose consciousness or run like the devil would be after him through the house to get his hands on Spike. “I know he’s here somewhere, don’t you deny it. I saw his car outside.”
“Well, then good luck finding him here.” Dawn glared at him, not exactly being intimidated by Xander’s tries to achieve just that. “’cause he’s not here.”
“But he has to be here. I want to kick his butt, too!” Xander said enthusiastically, being torn between being extremely mad and also trying to banish the image of Buffy in these way too short skirts and bikinis out of his mind. “Besides his car is standing right outside.”
“Well, I am not hiding him here, though I would do it.” Dawn stood up now, facing Xander and being ready to defend her friend if necessary. “But he isn’t.”
“Well actually little bit, I am.” The all too familiar voice of Sunnydale’s resident chipped vampire filled the room, startling them all. They spun around to find out where it came from but he simply wasn’t there to see.
“Where the hell are you?” Xander asked furiously, the desire to hit the annoying vampire still present. “Come out so that I can hurt you!”
“Would love to do that, but see there’s this small problem I have.” Spike explained calmly. “If you all would turn your attention to the bloody telly…”
“Holy shit, Spike you’re on television!” Anya exclaimed as they all took a closer look at the television screen.
“Really? I hadn’t noticed that before.” Spike said sarcastically. “I guess now that you have noticed that too, can we go to the point where you lot find a way to get me the hell out of here!”
Speechless and clueless faces greeted him to that one. Only Anya had one last comment to supply.
“And you don’t even look fat on the screen.”
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