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Maybe I was meant to lose him... I’m so lost... he just left without saying anything to me. Somehow I wasn’t expecting this... he just left me a note...

“Buffy, are you okay?” my mother called out from the other side of my bedroom door. I stared around the room and then to myself, shocked to see myself undressed completely. Thoughts from the night before streamed into my mind, the moments painfully retracting in my mind.

“I-I’m fine, mom... just give me a minute,” I answered and heard my mother smoothly walk down the steps and on the first floor. Gathering the sheets from my bed, I wrapped them around my skin and stood up, strolling toward the window. I stared out from it, which at the time was widely opened. I lightly touched the corner of the windowsill, and rested my head on my hand as I whispered his name in despair.

“William...” Slowly I massaged my lower stomach as a quick pain crossed it... Suddenly, my eyes jolted up in fear: We didn’t use protection.

Praying, I sat back down on my bed, the sheets dropping smoothly from me. I searched the floor for reasons, but the words didn’t appear before me. So I did what I had to do: I got up and got dressed.

I thought he loved me...

~*~*~*~

Sometimes I wonder why I walk away. I have feelings for her but... I don’t know... I guess I’m scared of admitting.

I stood by the big oak tree in the front yard, gazing up at her windowsill, widely opened as the light breeze tousled the white curtains. I took a drag of my cigarette and then flicked it on the floor, taking revenge in stomping it. A school bus passed by leisurely, little ones jumping and screaming as they were hauled to school.

Sighing heavily, I turned and enter in my DeSoto. As I started the engine, I took one last look at her window, Buffy’s window, and drove away. Bloody hell... I should go to hell.

I’m a monster... a man with his brains in his erection. I just hurt the woman I love...





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