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A/N: Okay…there’s one thing people keep asking me: why have you made Spike evil? Well…first of all…he’s not really evil. If you look at the way he goes about things…he’s really not evil. If he was evil, there’s no way he would let all these people go just because they made it to Angel’s place. So, you can tell he must be feeling a little remorse for switching sides. Now, remember. It’s been NINETY YEARS since Buffy died. Ninety years of fighting a constant battle and losing…that could change a person…or vampire. So, just keep this in mind. You can tell that even Angel’s become a bit more numb to his emotions…kind of like his mind is dead but his body keeps going.

Well, just thought I should clear this up. Thanks for all your awesome reviews!



When Buffy awoke, she was vaguely aware of the pain coursing through her.

What she was more focused on is trying to figure out where she was. Opening her heavy eyelids, but not sitting up, Buffy looked around the darkened room.

She was lying on a mattress with some old sheets. The mattress lay on the floor, and from what she could tell, there was nothing else in the room.

Finally, Buffy had the strength to lift herself off the bed and go stand by the window. What she saw made her all the more confused.

There were more fights breaking out over the city, whatever this city was. The only lights to illuminate the town were a few fires that had started along the streets.

----

When Angel had carried Buffy upstairs over an hour ago, he’d stayed up there for a while.

How was he supposed to deal with this?

Not knowing what else to do, he had walked back downstairs to be greeted by a still pissed off Xander.

“What do we do?” Xander managed to ask in a calm voice.

“Be there for her. Kick Curtis’ ass.”

“You did tell him ‘no’, right? When he asked to bring her back, you told him ‘no’?”

Angel nodded his head. “Not in so many words. But, I thought I’d gotten my point across.”

Xander was about to say something when Curtis appeared with a few others.

“Angel, sir, I feel I should explain my actions,” Curtis started.

In the time it had taken Curtis to speak, Angel had walked across the room and punched him with all the strength he could find.

“You brought her back! You knew you weren’t supposed to! And you couldn’t even dig her up!? What the hell is wrong with you!?”

Curtis was still holding his bleeding and broken nose. “Sir, I-”

“Get out.”

“What?”

“You and whoever helped with the spell. Get. Out. Now.”

Curtis only stood for a second before storming out of the room.

He and the other four, who helped with the spell, including Serena, left Angel’s hideout.

“G-guys?” Said a small voice.

Xander and Angel both shot their heads toward the sound at the doorway. “Buffy? Are you okay?” Xander asked immediately.

Buffy was about to say ‘yes’, but then shook her head ‘no’. “Not really. With the whole coming back deal…again…it’s…it hurts.”

“I know…Buffy, you have to believe me, Angel and I…we didn’t know.”

Buffy simply nodded. “So…anyone want to explain to me what the hell is going on?”

-----

Spike got back to his ‘headquarters’ and marched up to one of the demons in charge.

There were lots of ‘demons in charge’. But the funny thing was, was that Spike didn’t know who was actually running the evil side. No one knew except for a few higher-ranked demons. It was all some big secret.

As Spike approached the demon, he sighed deeply. “They got away?”

In a fit of anger, the demon let his fist fly down and hit a desk nearby. “Damn you, Spike! That’s the eighth one that’s ‘gotten away’ within the past year! No one else has trouble finding them and getting them back!”

Spike didn’t show any expression at all. He hadn’t revealed any emotions in a long time.

“Yeah, well. Guess that’s a bit of a problem then, isn’t it?” Sarcasm was just dripping from his tone, causing the demon to become more angered.

“I’ve let you live this long, because you’re strong. Plus, when we learned that you were only working here undercover for that vampire, Angel 14 years ago, you compensated by turning in some of the white hats. Maybe you’re still working for them?”

“No,” Spike said half truthfully. Spike didn’t work for Angel anymore…but he did let prisoners escape every once in a while, and he hadn’t killed a single human yet. He’d hurt a few, but never killed them.

“You know what I think is stopping you from bringing them back? It’s that damned soul of yours! You should’ve let me remove it when I’d offered to, Spike. It’s making you less of a warrior. You’re weak. Nothing!”

Spike didn’t even flinch at the words. “I keep the soul,” he replied in a monotone voice. “You stay off my back. I don’t want to have to kill you.”

“Be careful about the threats you make, Spike. You work for me!” The demon shouted to Spike’s retreating form.

----

Angel and Xander looked at Buffy with wide eyes. “Buffy…you just came back. Maybe now’s not the time to-”

Buffy immediately cut Angel off. “I’m fine. I’ve been through this before. I want to know. What. Is. Going. On.”

“You may want to sit down for this,” Angel said, leading her to sit on a chair.

It was a few minutes before the three were finally situated and Buffy waited to hear their story.

“You’re not going to like any of this,” Xander said softly and Buffy just smiled weakly.

“Probably not. But I need to hear anyway.”

Angel decided he should be the one to tell the tale, so he took a long, deep breath.

“Ninety years ago, Buffy. Ninety years ago you died.” Buffy looked up sharply and stared at him wide-eyed. “You remember how you died, right?”

“Of c-course,” she answered weakly. “The car wreak in Rome. Me and Dawnie.”

“Right. Dawnie wasn’t hurt very much. But you…you died instantly. Dawn took it hard for a long time. But I think Willow took it harder than anyone. She kept talking about how she had messed up so much with you the last years of your life and never got to fix your friendship. Spike took it hard too.”

“But…Spike was already dead when I was in Rome. Died in the hellmouth, remember?” Buffy looked really confused.

“He did die in the hellmouth. But, he’d come back just a little while later. He was afraid to tell you…and I encouraged him not to.” Before Buffy could say anything, Angel continued. “And I know it was a mistake. Anyway, Spike took it hard also. It was just a few months after your death that things started getting bad. Creatures from all these different realms just kept showing up in LA. My gang, Spike, and I formed a small army of our own. But soon, the demons greatly outnumbered us. Demon hunters from everywhere came to help.

“People were dying all over LA. But for a long time, we’d managed to just keep the fight in this city. Then the demons spread…and they were everywhere. People were greatly outnumbered…and new vampires were being sired everyday. It got really bad, Buffy.”

As the information began to absorb in her mind, Buffy nodded. “What happened…to Dawnie, my friends? Giles?…Spike?”

“We kept Dawn safe for a few years, outside the city. She lived until she was 38, Buffy. She died fighting. She always said she was fighting for you…trying to make you proud.”

Buffy let a few sobs escape her, but encouraged Angel to continue. “Xander here…he saw Dawn die…and knew that he probably wouldn’t last much longer. He asked…he asked me to sire him. He told me to sire him and curse him with a soul so that he’d be good. That way, he’d never grow old and could continue the fight as long as he was needed.

“Willow couldn’t take it for very long. She knew her end was coming and asked me to do something for her. She said that she wanted to drain her powers into another Wicca named Serena. That way her power could go to use after her death.

“Giles…he didn’t live to see the fight leave LA. After your death…he began to get sick. He wasn’t unhappy, though, Buffy. He said he knew it was his time.

“After so many years of fighting…oh, God…I don’t even know how it happened. But we realized that humans were no longer the majority. Humans and redeemed demons had to seek refuge in abandoned buildings and sewers while the side of evil made themselves at home.

“Prisons were made for humans and any demons that decided to fight against evil. Spike used to be one of the ones that fought on our side.

“He fought with us a long time, Buffy. He saved a lot of people. But…one day we knew we had to get someone working on the inside. We needed information so we could fight and win. It had been decided that Spike would go undercover and ‘work’ for them…find out whatever he could. He brought back a lot of useful information for a long time. But it was never enough to beat them.

“He must’ve realized this, because he wasn’t Spike-like anymore. No more cocky remarks or annoying smirks. He fought, he ate, and he slept. That’s about it. One day, the other side found out about what he was doing and they were going to kill him. Part of Spike wanted to let them kill him. But…the more logical and William-y side of him wanted to stay and fight against them…for you.

“He always fought for you, Buffy. But he became empty. There was nothing left inside of him. So, he offered a deal. They let him live if he did them a favor. So, he turned in one of my hideouts…all the people were killed and the leaders were thrown into the prisons.

“That’s the last time Spike did anything to hurt us. He doesn’t take prisoners back or turn us in. I guess some part of him feels bad for it. But the rest of him just doesn’t feel anything.

“You know, he kept his soul, Buffy? He wouldn’t let them get rid of it. I think he did it because he wanted to feel bad for the things he’d done. He wanted his conscious to eat away at him for being on the wrong side.

“He’s not bad, though, Buffy. I hate him. I hate him every day for what he’s done to us. But…at the same time…I really feel bad for him. He suffers more than we do.”

Angel had come to his stopping point, and Buffy could tell.

This…all of this was just too much.

Standing, Buffy ran her fingers through her still dirty hair.

“Oh, God…none of this makes sense, Angel! Xander’s a vampire…and he’s like king of the ‘I hate the undead club’! And you…you hated Spike! And now you’re standing up for him…and making sure I know he loved me! I…why? This…Oh, God…”

Angel calmly sat the troubled female back down. “I know. It’s a lot to take in. But Xander did what he wanted to do to help in this fight, and Spike…I guess I got to know the real him after you died.”

Buffy felt tears coming down her cheeks, but abruptly stopped crying when she heard an all too familiar voice coming from the front door in the next room.

“Angel, can I have a word?” The voice yelled, still in the other room.

Spike.





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