CHAPTER 3
“What was that crap about me not being your brother?”
Buffy closed the door of the washing machine and pushed the start button. A low rumble filled the kitchen.
“I didn’t mean to say that. I’m sorry. What Riley said surprised me…in a bad way.”
“He’s your boyfriend. You told me you loved him. Shouldn’t you be thrilled to hear him talk like that?”
“I suppose…I don’t know.”
He watched her attentively before asking, “What happened on Thursday?”
She sighed. “It was no big, really. We had a little car incident, and Riley got…nervous. He kinda lost it, and I freaked out.”
Spike looked at the door from where Riley had left. “Weird. I didn’t picture him as the violent type.”
“He’s not,” Buffy said quickly.
Spike frowned. “He never hit you, right?”
This time she laughed. “Of course not. Riley would never do that.”
There was another silence. “I don’t like him, Buffy. And he doesn’t make you happy.”
She went back in the living room. She knew there was no use arguing with him about it, yet she said, “Spike, you don’t know anything about my feelings. You come here and get all judgy on my boyfriend, but you have no clue about what’s going on between us.”
She had said that quietly, which had much more effect than if she had yelled.
“Maybe,” he conceded. “But even if I don’t know much, I know you, Buffy. I feel it in my guts. That bloke’s not right for you.”
“Of course. And do you have at least some valid points about that?”
“I can’t exactly put my finger on it but…isn’t he kind of boring?”
Buffy rolled her eyes. “Oh God. I swear Willow should marry you instead of Xander.”
He smiled. “Well I always had a soft spot for Red.” His face became serious again. “And he bailed on you tonight. As soon as things were a little uncomfortable, he ran away like a bleedin’ coward.”
She knew he was right, but she wouldn’t admit it for the world. Hearing Spike telling her this was only increasing her doubts about Riley and her feelings for him. And she didn’t want to have doubts. She just wanted to pursue a nice relationship with a sweet guy who didn’t remind her of her yummy
soon-to-be married stepbrother.
She sat down on the couch and he kneeled in front of her. “I’m not telling you to ditch the guy, Buffy. But I want to see you happy. And right now you’re not.”
He put a lock of hair behind her ear and she closed her eyes, leaning into the touch of his hand.
“I feel lonely sometimes,” she admitted. “Since Dad met Jenny, he’s not around much…which I understand. I really do. He has the right to have his own life, and after all I’ve got mine, with a nice job, and my friends, and Riley…But sometimes I feel like something’s missing. I wish…I wish your mom were still here. I’ve missed her a lot lately.”
She smiled, trying to chase the gloomy feelings. “But I’m happy when you’re here with me,” she said quietly.
He pulled her in his arms and she closed her eyes. Her heart was beating so fast she was surprised he didn’t feel it. She pressed her face into the crook of his neck and he tightened his hold.
And the atmosphere changed. It was subtle, but they both sensed it.
Spike’s embrace was not a brotherly one anymore. His hands were caressing her back slowly, and his face was buried in the silkiness of her hair. Buffy didn’t dare to move, afraid to break the moment. So she just kept her eyes closed, savoring the proximity of his body, the way his hands were wandering in slow motion on her back. He finally broke the embrace, looked at her while gently pulling her hair out of her face. They stayed like this for a while, and for a minute Buffy thought – hoped – that he would kiss her. Their lips were just a few inches from each other. It would be so easy to lean her head and…the memory of what had happened three years ago came up in her head and she gasped slightly in anticipation.
That was enough to break the spell. Spike blinked, seemingly waking up from the same enchantment she had been caught in.
But he didn’t pull away, like she expected. He put a soft kiss on her cheek, saying, “Whenever you need me, I’ll be there for you.”
She smiled “I like it when you go all Bon Jovi on me.”
He smiled back and got up. “Well, if we want to make an early start tomorrow, we’d better go to bed. Sleep well, sweetheart.”
“Yeah…you too.”
Buffy stayed a few more minutes downstairs, wondering what had just happened. Because something had definitely happened. And he had felt it too, of that Buffy was certain. Unless…unless her mind was playing games again and it was just wishful thinking on her part.
As usual…
§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§
In the bathroom upstairs, Spike stepped into the shower and let the cold water try to soothe his troubled feelings.
§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§
“Why are you looking at her like that?”
Spike tore his gaze away from Buffy and turned it to Willow. “Like what?”
“With that thoughtful and worried face.”
They were both sitting on the beach, under a parasol, while Buffy and Xander were playing Frisbee a few feet away.
“I’m worried about that bloke she’s dating,” Spike admitted.
“Prince Boring? Yeah, I don’t like him much either.”
Spike shot her an amused glance. “What did you call him?”
“Prince Boring.”
He whistled. “Good one, Red.”
“Isn’t it? I’m kinda proud of it myself,” she said with a goofy smile. “I’m suspecting Buffy’s thinking about him that way too. Even if she doesn’t like it very much. It reminded me the way of your mom reacted the first time you told her you wanted to be called Spike instead of William. I’ll never forget her face.”
Spike chuckled. “And Rupert’s. They said they wouldn’t want to hear that ridiculous nickname in the house ever again. My dad always refused to do it as well. Buffy is the only one who did it…with you and Xand.”
“And now all your fans all over the world,” she joked, before adding more seriously,” Did Buffy tell you what happened with Riley?”
“The car incident? She mentioned it, yeah. What do you think?”
Willow hesitated. “I’m not sure…I never liked Riley very much, and I can’t even explain why. I mean, I’m a sociable girl most of the time, and if I don’t like someone, I generally have a good reason. Like when Cordelia Chase - remember her? That vacuous tramp! For weeks she tried to put her hands on Xander, and it wouldn’t penetrate her thick skull that he was not interested. And that’s absolutely of no interest to you either. So, what I’m saying is, I can’t find any reason. It’s just a gut feeling.”
Spike nodded, watching Buffy again. “I know what you mean.”
“I asked Buffy if she wanted me to do some research about him, but she said no.”
Spike stayed silent for a moment, before asking, “Could you do it though? I would, but with the shooting schedule we work at night mostly and sleep during the day. I literally live like a vampire. Also you have all those Internet facilities which I don’t have a clue about.”
“I’ll see what I can do. I don’t like doing this behind Buffy’s back, but I would feel better if I was sure he’s not some dangerous maniac on the run.”
“Well, if she learns about it, blame it all on me,” Spike offered.
“Ok. I’ll do that. Now enough about Prince Boring. Tell me about the show. How is the season going to end?”
“I thought the script for the ending was all over the Internet?” he said.
“I prefer to hear it from the source.”
He smiled. “All right. You promise not to tell anyone?”
Willow nodded solemnly. “I’ll be as silent as the grave.”
“Ok then. At the end of the last episode, the Slayer was kicked out by her friends, remember? Well, this is what happens next…”
§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§
They came back from the beach rather late, having enjoyed the sunny day as much as possible. Since Spike had moved to L.A, and the three others were working, they didn’t have much time for gatherings anymore. So they appreciated those moments even more.
Buffy went to take a shower before coming down with the intention of starting dinner. She found Spike sitting on the back porch stairs, reading something. All thoughts of dinner forgotten, she sat next to him.
“What are you doing?”
“Learning my lines for the next episode. Could you help me rehearse that passage?”
She took the transcript. “But then I’ll know what’s going to happen,” she pouted.
He raised an eyebrow. “Like you care. You don’t watch the show anyway.”
“Sure I do! Sometimes. Enough to know what’s going on.”
“Really?” he said with a skeptical look on his face.
“Really. Your show is about a girl named Fanny…”
“Faith.”
“Yeah, that’s what I said. Anyway, she alone will stand against the vampires and the forces of darkness because she’s the Slayer. That part I know by heart cause it’s told by the sexy British guy who plays her Watcher at the beginning of every episode. And it’s getting a bit repetitive if you ask me. So, that girl, Faith, she falls in a love with a vampire with a soul – and hello, isn’t she supposed to slay them? – but they can’t be together because of a stupid curse. They did it once and he lost his soul and tried to kill everyone and destroy the world. So she moves on, kills a lot of baddies, wears tons of different outfits even if she doesn’t seem to have a lot of money, and parties with her friends. And then bam ! You’d think she would know better, but no. She falls in love with another vampire. You. And for some reason I don’t think this is going to end well either.” She turned to him, rather proud of herself. “See? I know the important stuff.”
“Looks like you do. So? Will you help me? Cause I would hate to kill the suspense for you.”
She shrugged. “Nah. I’ll live. Which scene is it?”
“That one. I found Faith in an abandoned house and we have a conversation. Pick from that line, ok?”
“Ok.” She cleared her throat and started to read, “ ‘What are you trying to say?’”
“ ‘I don’t know. I’ll know when I’m done saying it. Something pissed me off, and I just…Unattainable. That’s it.’ “
“ ‘Fine. I’m attainable. I’m an attain-a-thon. May I please just go to sleep?’ “ Buffy raised her head from the script. “God, that girl can be a real bitch sometimes. What do you see in her?”
Spike smiled. “You’ll get it once you’re really in love. May I go on? That monologue is a pain in the ass.”
“Sorry. Go ahead.”
Spike started the monologue and Buffy read along. At some point, she raised her head and met his sapphire eyes. He was looking at her while talking.
“ ‘…I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. I’ve seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity what you are. You’re a hell of a woman. You’re the one, Buffy.”
He stopped, but didn’t tear his gaze from hers.
“Faith,” she whispered.
He blinked. “What?”
“You said Buffy. In the script, you’re talking to Faith.”
He looked down on the script, then back at her. “For a moment it felt like I was talking to you,” he said quietly.
Her face betrayed her surprise, and she suddenly realized their faces were very close. His fingers wandered on her face, tracing the outline of her eyebrow, the soft curve of her cheek. She closed her eyes, praying silently for him not to stop. Whatever possessed him to be suddenly so tender, she didn’t want it to stop.
And suddenly, Spike’s lips were on hers. At first it was hesitant, just a butterfly touch, like the first and only kiss they had shared a few years ago. But then the pressure of his mouth became more insistent, and she opened hers to allow him the entrance.
When she felt his tongue searching for hers, she nearly started sobbing.
She didn’t know how long the kiss lasted. It was very tender at first, and was now becoming more intense. His hand, that had been holding her face, was now slowly descending on her shoulder, then sliding under her arm near the soft swell of her breast. She was wearing a light blouse and no bra, and she could feel the burning sensation of his hand through the thin texture. She was dying to feel it on her skin. Boldly, she put her own hand under his t-shirt, her fingers timidly running on his back and his side, before reaching his chest. When she felt him react to her touch, she nearly squealed in delight. Was she really able to make him feel the same wondrous sensations she was experiencing?
Spike’s mouth was now on her jaw and his hand brushed her breast. She gasped, shocked at the sudden wave of pleasure that rush through her. Not really an orgasm yet…but she was definitely close to it. And if Spike’s ragged breath was any clue, the hardness she was feeling through his shorts was the only proof she needed. He wanted her as much as she wanted him. And nothing on this earth would stop them from being together.
The phone rang, brutally shattering her nice illusion.
They pulled away from each other, both panting heavily. The ominous ringing finally penetrated her brain, and she got up, walking into the kitchen on unsteady legs.
“Hello?” She barely recognized her own voice.
“Buffy? Hi sweetheart!”
Oh God.
“Riley. Hi.”
She made a tremendous effort to regain her focus and talk normally to Riley. Her cheeks were flushed and her heart was beating awfully fast. How are you supposed to talk to your boyfriend when you just shared a passionate kiss with another man?
She shortened the conversation. She was feeling guilty. Not because of her kiss with Spike. But precisely because she wasn’t feeling guilty at all. She had kissed another man – hell, she had been ready to let him make love to her right there on the back porch – and she had absolutely no regrets. She would do it again in a heartbeat.
But when she turned to Spike, she knew it wouldn’t happen anytime soon. Reality, in the form of Riley, had just hit them back hard in the face.
Spike didn’t say anything, thankfully. No ‘I’m sorry’ or other nonsense like that. She could see he wasn’t sorry either. But he was feeling guilty.
She knew exactly about what he was thinking. Or rather about who.
Darla.
§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§
Two days later, Spike was sitting in his apartment’s kitchen, drinking his morning coffee. I’m such a jerk, he thought. He hadn’t called Buffy yet. He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t say he was sorry because he wasn’t. Wouldn’t tell her it was a mistake because it didn’t feel like one. That was what was scaring him the most. It had felt so right to kiss her. Never ever had he felt something like that before.
But she was his stepsister, and therefore it was wrong. He had grown up with her. How could he now have those kind of…lusty feelings while thinking about her? She was beautiful. But he met a lot of beautiful women everyday, and didn’t feel the urge to cheat on Darla with them. And that was another problem. He had asked Darla to marry her. Probably not for the right reasons, but that was between Darla and him and he would marry her. He couldn’t have those kind of feelings for Buffy. He had always considered her as a sister.
But what kind of pervert kisses his sister like there was no tomorrow?
He would have to talk to Buffy. Explain to her…explain what? He could already see the hurt in her eyes and he couldn’t stand to see her hurt. But that situation between them needed to be resolved.
He heard the front door open and Darla walked into the kitchen, holding a newspaper. She tossed it on the table in front of him.
“Really, Spike, you could have told me you were having an affair with your sister.”
His eyes scanned the front page, one of those trashy papers he avoided like the plague. His eyes grew wide.
“Bloody Hell.”
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