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The Seventh Month: Part Five

Well love a lot has happened this past month, things that
I'm desperately trying to come to terms with. Some of it is down
right frightening, but have filled me with more joy than I've ever
known. But where do, I start telling you all of this.

I guess I'll start after the wedding. Dawn, Fred and Willow kicked
me out of the house and away from your side. Now don't get mad at
them when you read this. They did what they thought was best. And
it was the best thing that could have happened. It helped me to
start looking at things. Things like my life and where I want it to
go.

All I know Buffy is I'm tired, tired of never having anything in my
life other than fighting battles that seem to never end. Now don't
get your knickers twisted. I'm still going to fight the good fight
and all that rot. But I want something more from life, especially
since I am alive again.

It's wondrous Buffy. I can feel my heart beat again. I can feel the
sun on my face and not burst into flames smelling flowers and
spices and taste is better than ever. I thought blooming onions
tasted good before, but now they're incredible.

But now more than ever I have a reason to change. Two reasons
actually. Their names are Adrian and Alyssa and they're right
beside me now, sleeping, one on each side.

They're my children, Buffy. My son and daughter. How it happened
or why I don't really care. They are here with me and that is all
that matter. I look at their beautiful sweet faces and it's made
everything I've ever done good or bad worth it. It all got me to
this point and it brought them to life. Maybe if I would have done
something different along the line they wouldn't be here now. As of
this moment I have no regrets. The Powers gave me two healthy,
beautiful and children that are miracles.

The only thing I would like to know is Why? Why give me children?
Why give William the Bloody something so precious as a child, let
alone two? Why give them life when they were born before I had a
soul, before I started being a man instead of a monster? Maybe
someday The Powers will grant me the knowledge of my question. For
now I am going to love my children and cherish every second. I have
five years to make up for.

You would have liked their Mother. A lot like Tara she was. Her
name was Isabelle and like her name she was sacred. I met her after
the fiasco in Sunnydale after Dru left. Met her in Cleveland. She
took pity on a drunk, pathetic vampire and gave me some of the best
months of my life. I loved her Buffy. Loved her like I should have
loved you. With tenderness and romance. She never once treated me
like a monster even though she knew I was one. The first time I
vamped in front of her she laughed. Then told me to go look in the
mirror. When I looked at her funny, she just laughed even harder
since she knew I wouldn't have a reflection. She told me that
really I looked ridiculous. Even when I threatened to drink her dry
then pick my teeth with her bones she laughed.

She was definitely one of a kind. I would bring her all kinds of
gifts which she would accept graciously, then donate them to one
charity or another saying she didn't want what I could give her, she
only wanted me. She was the only one besides my own mum to ever
love me for me. I would write horrible poetry which she would make
me read to her and she loved it when I brought her daisies which I
did every morning.

Isabelle was a treasure, the brightest to ever live. I'm sad to say
she's no longer in this world. She left me a letter saying that she
had cancer and didn't have any strength left to live. The children
told me she said goodbye and walked into the ocean. I'm going to
miss her, just knowing she was alive out there somewhere gave me
hope for the world. Going to miss knowing that her brown eyes were
lit up with laughter and love, and her laugh, both most of all her
kindness and her joy of life.

I wish I would have brought her with me, but she would have never
survived in our world and I couldn't bear to see the light ever
extinguished from her eyes. But now she's gone and I will miss her
and love her for all eternity. I see her in the children. They
have her eyes and her smile. The wondrous thing is I also see me.
I will do whatever it takes for them to keep the qualities that
Isabelle bestowed upon them alive and well. It's the least I can do
for her.

I just wish I would have been there with her when they were born.
To have held my newly born children in my arms, to have seen their
first smiles and heard their first words. I never got to see them
take their first steps or to read them to bed at night. I was too
busy getting a chip in my head and trying to pin you against Adam.
I hope that somehow my selfishness kept her alive, because you know
as well as I, even anyone found out then that they were born from a
vampire and a human they may not have been alive now.

Looking down at them sleeping so peacefully curled next to me I am
grateful that I get to spend the rest of their lives with them. I
want to be a good father and I'm sure the three of us will muddle
along just fine. A strange thing is they actually seem to like me,
which in itself can be a scary thing. They were happy that I was
their father, which can say either a little or a lot. The most
important thing is I'm happy their mine.

For now, I'm going to take things one day at a time and see where it
all leads. I'm past the feelings of just hanging on for you. Now I
need to hang on for me. I've never had anyone ever need me like
Alyssa and Adrian are going to need me and it's definitely going to
be a change. I have to be strong for them and give them a childhood
that they deserve. Get them away from LA, and cities that seem to
have more demons than humans. I don't think that they are in school
yet, so I may have sometime to get them settled before we cross that
hurdle. Right now my main concern is finding a place to live.
Because I can't come back there with you, as much as I want to. To
be with you every day like I'm used to. I don't think that they
will understand and with the things that have went on in that house
might not make it a good environment for them. For the time being
we're at the Hyperion. Luckily the children have really taken to
having a big family and are relishing all the attention.

That's all for now luv. I will write more when I get the chance.
As of right now I don't know when that will be, but I will try. At
this moment I am going to cuddle up with my children and sleep like
a man who is happy and content for the first real moment of his
life. So goodnight Buffy pleasant dreams and I love you.

Always Yours
William.

Turning off the light Spike put the book on the floor and pulled the
covers over him and his children and fell asleep holding both of
them close their heads using his chest for their pillow.

Angel walked by and gently pushed the door open. Taking in the
sight he immediately went to his old room and retrieved a charcoal
pencil and paper. With the moon as his only light he sketched his
family, pouring his own emotions as a father out onto the page.
When finished he looked at the picture and its subjects with love
and pride. Spike in a short amount of time had become something he
wished to be again. A father. Placing the picture next to the
light he closed the door behind him and walked downstairs his hands
in his pockets and a smile on his face. Tonight he was going to
take his wife home and start on the family that would complete and
cement their love for each other.





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