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Work was going well on the house, better than Spike had anticipated, having money meant that he got things done when he wanted, not when the contractor wanted. They had torn off the front porch and a new one was in its place. Hired cleaners had scrubbed the inside from top to bottom, and this weekend would be the auction for all the pieces that he and the children would have no use for, which meant more of the heavier wooden pieces. He expected all of it to go for quite a tidy sum of money.

Spike hadn’t told Fred and Wesley yet but he played on setting up the baby a trust fund with the money. He was glad Fred had finally gotten around to telling Wesley the good news. After he and Angel had picked the man up from where he had fainted he became jubilant. Wesley had swung Fred around so much in his arms that the poor girl had to run for the bathroom before she lost her breakfast.

His own two little poppets had not changed which for him was a marvelous thing. Spike still had not told them about the house but did tell them that he was working on a secret project for them and that was the reason why he was away from them so often during the day. He was always home to spend the evening with them, to make them dinner and watch the million and one Disney movies that they never ceased to get tired of.

A couple fo findings in the house had surprised Spike. A few rare and incredibly valuable paintings had been found under the old cloths, including a Degas and A Monet. If he wouldn’t have known better, he would have said the voluptuous beauty in the Degas had been Isabelle. The similarities between the picture and his former love were remarkable.

In some way because of the painting Spike now felt like the house was home. That this was where he was supposed to be. They had sent both paintings along with the others to be restored to glory. The Degas would be back by the time he and the children moved in. He’d already explicitly told Cordy that the Degas would hang above the fireplace in the master suite in a place of honor. The Money would hang in his daughter’s room, the comforting yet brilliant colors were perfect for a little girl’s room and would still be perfect as she grew into a woman.

In the cellar of the house Spike had unearthed a plethora of rare and vintage wine and champagne. He hoped that they had not turned to vinegar, but time would tell. In the attic he found many things that the children would enjoy. Old clothing, toys and a huge dollhouse made to look like its bigger counter part, their home. He again had told Cordelia his plans for the room. They would turn the room into the family room, a place where he could relax and watch the children play, somewhere where nothing was off limits for them. The attic had rewarded them with things for his son’s room including mint condition Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle baseball cards. They would preserve them and frame and would reside in his son’s room along with the antique toy soldiers and the die-cast train set.

The house was more than he could have dreamed. He had no trouble believing that Isabelle was here with them, and that she was responsible for all of it. The whole place now clean and filth free had a calming quality. People felt at peace in the house and on the grounds, content and free. The calm and peace were something that everyone felt from the jovial workmen to Cordelia, who since working her had not said one nasty thing to anyone. Even Spike could be found helping the laborers, laughing and having a good time.

What Spike didn’t know was that Willow had been watching from afar. She had made herself invisible so she could watch the goings on without interrupting anyone. The magic surrounding this place had surprised Willow at the magic surrounding this place. It was stronger than anything she’d ever felt next to her own. She felt love, joy, family, peace and overwhelming calm. There was also a darker force that protected this happiness, it was a woe to anyone who disturbed this sanctuary kind of feeling.

Willow had no doubt believing that The Powers were the ones behind this place. It wasn’t like them to go easy on anyone. For them to provide this kind of gift to Spike and his children was remarkable. Yet had they not provided most of them with remarkable gifts. Angel and Cordelia were having a child as well as Wesley and Fred, Xander was in his element teaching his Slayers, Files had unearthed an underground cavern of research books in the rubble of the Watcher’s Council. For Willow they had made it possible for her to be with Tara again, even if it was on the Astral Plane it was better than life without her. The only person who had not received a gift from the Powers in some form or another was Buffy. She still laid in her coma after almost a year. The Powers were denying Buffy her place in Heaven by this and Willow couldn’t help but wonder why they would do this. She wasn’t so much questioning their motives so much as wondering when they were all going to get a surprise or the final heart break.
Willow was so much in thought that she never felt the presence beside her until she heard a soft sigh. It made her jump which caused her focus to shift making her visible once again.

“It’s lovely here isn’t it. Even up here you can hear the waves, not roaring but like a fountain. Doesn’t the ocean smell wonderful, crisp and clean?” A woman young in appearance sat next to Willow, her waist length brown hair blowing in the breeze along with her white gown. She turned and looked at Willow a smile on her lips. The same smile lit up beautiful brown eyes that dance with gold and green in the light. Her eyes told her true age making her about five years older than Willow. Her figure reminded her of Tara only more lush.

It surprised Willow that for a ghost she was remarkably serene, there was a small undercurrent of sadness, but nothing overwhelming, neither was there a sense of unfinished business. With Willow’s travel on the Astral Plane she had come across a lot of unsettled or violent spirits. However, this one was like Tara which made Willow wonder why she was here and not in Heaven. The spirit also seemed familiar in some way, as if she had seen her face before.

“I’m sorry, I’m being rude. I should have introduced myself. My name is Isabelle, I believe you know my children.” She turned again and smiled at Willow who sat dumbfounded, her mouth wide open.

“You’ll let bugs in if your mouth stays open any longer.” Isabelle said laughing at the young witch beside her.

“But how?” They were the only words that Willow could manage.

“I raised such a fuss I don’t think they had a choice, not that I left them with one.” Isabelle stared out over the view looking at the house and also for the man she’d never stop loving.

“Why?” Willow looked at Isabelle shock still evident on her face.


“Wouldn’t you do everything you could do to make sure your loved ones are safe and happy, anything to make sure that they don’t hurt any longer?” At Willow’s nod Isabelle continued, knowing that even for such a young woman as Willow it would not be hard to understand.

“To answer your next question I’m not a witch, or an Angel. I’ve had visions off and on my entire life much like your friend Cordelia. Those visions along with being aware of the demon world led me to William and the rest of my life. Now I sit beside you a normal woman at least as much as I can be. What powers they gave me in Heaven I used to create this place for my family, a sanctuary where they would always be protected.” Isabelle watched as Spike walked across the lawn with the contractor. They were pointing at blueprints then the house, talking and laughing in the warm sunshine.

“I’m glad to see him to happy again. It’s been so long since he felt any true joy.” Isabelle had wrapped her arms around her knees and Willow felt two things coming from her now that hadn’t been there before in this intensity they were sorrow and immense love. Isabelle’s actions had heard looking from her to Spike and back again.

“He is different now, I don’t think I’ve ever really seen his this happy. Things have changed for him. Spike loves being a father, for him the world revolves around Adrian and Alyssa.” Willow put her arm around the woman and held her as she cried.

“I love him, I always will. This is my payment to the Powers for the magic they gave me to create this place. My punishment is to watch my family happy without me. I will forever be on the outside looking in. If I ever cross the line and try to contact them I will slowly fade away until there is nothing left.” Isabelle dried her eyes on her sleeve.

“Wow, that sounds a little harsh even for them.” Willow said her arms still wrapped around the person that in just a few moments had become her friend.

“Yeah, I told you raised a ruckus there. I don’t think I made too many friends. I think they did it just to shut me up more than anything. Of course I did start in the moment I got there so I really can’t blame them.” Willow watched as Isabelle righted herself. The calmness of their surroundings even taking their effect on the person who brought them forth.

Willow didn’t know what to say and maybe it was better that things went unsaid. She sat beside the new friend she had made and offered her quiet support. With the Powers so closely involved in this one she knew she could not interfere. She would try to be there for Isabelle and that was all she could do, it was the same with Buffy. She had to sit aside and watch her friends suffer in one form or another.
“Don’t tell them about this please. They told me that I could come to you and no other. I don’t want William to do something stupid if he were to find out, trouble finds him enough without him going to look for it. The children need him as we see him now, not with anger and vengeance. I love them too much to put all of this in jeopardy just because I love them too much.” Isabelle stood up taking one last long look at Spike then turned around two small tears falling from her beautiful eyes.

“You have my word. Will I see you again?” Willow asked quietly understanding this woman more than she had any other except Tara.

“Next week, same time, same place.” Isabelle walked toward the trees fading from sight.

****

The house was coming along wonderfully, better than Spike had even imagined. If things kept progressing, it was possible they could be in the house a few weeks earlier than what they had planned. The outside would be finished next week. It had taken them almost a week to get the yard cut back and in shape. Flowers bloomed from beds lining the walk, the back yard had been turned into the perfect Victorian English garden, beyond that lay the former carriage house that Cordelia had miraculously turned into a space just for Spike, a place to study when he decided to go back to Stanford and a place for him to work out and to later train the children.

He along with Giles had decided that this would be a haven for the Slayers. If they ever needed somewhere to go to recuperate. Spike figured that the least he could do was to share this place of peace with his family and the Slayers. Maybe Buffy wouldn’t have run away from being a Slayer if she would have had a place to go.

The one thing that would not be finished was the addition to the house. Spike had decided at the last moment to add an indoor pool area. The children loved to swim and putting in a pool was easier than worrying about them wondering down to the beach. He had gone over the plans with the contractor showing him pictures from Holland Manners former home with one exception the roof would open to the stars at night. He had gotten to love swimming at night under the moon and this way he and the children could have the best of both worlds. It would take four months to complete due to Spike specific instructions, but it would be worth the wait.

The barn further out on the property would be cleaned out and used for Spike’s vehicles. Cordelia had complained about the distance from the barn to the house so Spike just to appease her added a drive to the plans, the drive would be covered by an arbor of wisteria, roses and creeping jasmine. Cordy had conceded victory when she heard the details. The woods behind the barn would stay just how they were, Spike had no wish to tear down something that was providing them with cover, he liked the feeling of being isolated without being far away from town.

The little town in which they would reside was a ten minute drive away. It was a picturesque costal town full of a Victorian charm all its own. It was aptly named Tranquility and Spike knew that Alyssa and Adrian would like it. The small town atmosphere reminded him of Sunnydale. Spike would personally make sure that it was vamp and demon free. Soon every monovalent demon on the west coast would know to stay away if they had a brain in their heads. Spike didn’t care about the demons that did no harm and had even placed a call to Clem to see if the demon would like to come for a visit. He had plans to ask the demon to be the nanny to his children, to protect them if Spike wasn’t with them. Spike hoped that he would say yes, he would feel much more comfortable having someone with them that he trusted and he trusted Clem with not only his life but his children’s.

Tomorrow the exterior painters would be there to paint the house white and trimming in dark green. He should technically be here to oversee things but he had promised the children a trip to Disneyland with him and Dawn and who knew how many various family members would decide to go along for the day of fun. He was hoping to get some alone time with Dawn to discuss a matter that was important not only to him but to the family. Yes, it was time to fully discuss Buffy and her future. He was ready to discuss all the options now and a few months ago he wouldn’t have been ready. But being here in this house made him see differently, made him wish for the same peace for Buffy that he had found for himself.

As the sun started setting in the sky he wished the workmen a good night then grabbed a couple cold beers from a stocked cooler and made his way down to the beach, the beer and his notebook tucked under his arm. The path leading down to the beach had just been finished yesterday so that new wooden steps and platforms led to the enclosed private beach. At the end of the stairs Spike bent and took off his shoes. In the past month he had grown to appreciate the feeling of the warm sand.

Jutting out into their small bay was a copse of rocks worn smooth over the years. Even in high tide a person could walk them safely without having to worry about being carried out to see. To the end of these rocks is where Spike went every night before returning to Los Angeles and the children. This was his spot to ponder his life. Sitting down he dangled his feet over the edge and into the tidal waters that on this night lapped at the rocks instead of pounding in fury. A light breeze blew against his face as he laid back and watched the sky turned a riotous explosion of color. Sunrises were wonderful, but sunsets for Spike were something to behold.

After sitting for a few moments with just the ocean surrounding him, giving him the energy and the strength he needed to delve into the places of his heart that few if any ever saw. These places were for Buffy and like always his journal was where he talked to her.

The house will be done soon love. This month has been so filled with work and making sure everything is being done properly on the house. I’m hoping that my talk with Dawn will let us put things behind us where it belongs. My relationship with her has not been the same since the night she kicked me out of the house and had Willow work the mojo to keep me locked out.

I’ve come to a point in all of this where I know a decision has to be made about your happiness and what is going to be best for you in the grand scheme of things. Maybe the best thing to do is to let you go peacefully. I can now look at things rationally and do wonder if you would want to live your life this way. Would you really want to live knowing the only thing keeping you alive is a bunch of beeping monitors, or would you want your family and friends to decide your fate.

I don’t know Buffy, I wish I had all the answers. I don’t. But I do know that I can’t want you alive because of my own selfishness. I have to think of you and what is best for you. Maybe letting you go peacefully will be the best thing. At least I know that you will be in Heaven again where you were safe and warm.

I’ll never forget the times you talked to me about Heaven and how wonderful it was there. It was nice to hear how it was knowing that I would never to be able to see it for myself. Heaven has a way of keeping the place demon free. I know how long you have wanted to go back there and it makes me wonder if it was the First that drove you off the cliff or yourself.

The whole family knows how hard it was on you being ripped away from Heaven and though none of us have said it, I know we have all wondered from time to time that you threw yourself into the Hellmouth to try to get back there by any means necessary. I wish that I would have been able to get to you sooner, have gotten to you before you got to that damnable place, even non corporeal maybe I would have been able to stop you. The least I can do now is to let you finally have the peace that you have been craving since you were called to be a Slayer.

I have loved five women in my life Buffy, my mother, Cecily, Drusilla, my darling Isabelle and you, and with every loss I have found myself stronger for having loved them and then lost them than to have never loved any of you at all. Mother, gave me my life. Cecily, gave me my freedom. Drusilla, delivered me from mediocrity and helped to create the man I am now. My darling Isabelle, gave me the meaning of love and what it was to love someone and have them love you back, she also gave me the greatest treasure, Alyssa and Adrian. You Buffy, gave me strength, courage and the desire to be a true man, a man worthy of all that I have.

I love you Buffy, but I have learned that I’m strong enough now to let you go. But know this my love that I am trying my hardest to get to the point that maybe someday they will let me into Heaven to be with you, despite my demons.

If Dawn agrees, Buffy, in two months time we are going to turn off your machines and see if you are ready to live and fight in this world, or if you are meant for the peace you deserve.

There will be two more entries for you in this journal, the last being after the machines have been removed. If you live I will save it for you, but if you slip away from us I will send it with you and hope that in some way you will be able to read these words in Heaven.

Yours eternally,
William





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